I think I love you.

Also, those words are not solely or even most commonly defined that way. A telephone is shrill. An alarm clock. Intentionally choosing gendered shit to express a non-gendered adjective is irresponsible. Let people learn their bias from their shitty parents, as is tradition.

I’m just impressed you understood his comment enough to respond. I’m still trying to figure out which parts are autocorrect and which parts are the failures of our education system.

Usually, unnecessary roughness by the police is much, much worse.

You know it’s bad when the only highlight in the dirt bag is Gwyneth Paltrow.

“a person addicted to alcohol who can fix his car and thinks the earth is flat”

So, a *tea-partier* then?

Or, it's an ingenious way to be "closed," but still make sure your entire workforce shows up.

most shocking part of this is that there is a workplace in North Carolina that only employs one person named Dale

There should be a special state law that says if you make a delivery guy deliver without tipping him in the middle of a storm, he should legally be able to throw you down the stairs. The higher up you live, the more steps he gets to use.

seriously. when did hazing become such a bizarre rite of passage? i played division 1 football and have never seen anything even remotely close to some of these stories.

Have you actually looked at the proposal and the tax rates? Most people would be saving money. I’ve had no trouble selling people on Medicare-for-All, even with people who seemed hostile at first.

Having debates on weekends is serious weak-sauce Hil. You're not fooling anyone and it makes the Dems seem as if they're hiding.

It’s not food, but a bottle a fish emulsion fertilizer cracked open in my trunk. Is the correct cleaning solution to light it on fire and push it into the river?

Boyz 2 Men has to be the winner.

Please, go “live with them” somewhere far, far away and leave my country to the grownups.

Can I hire you to narrate some of my student’s essays? Because this is great.

The only thing I adore about the sentient pestilent festering Cheez-it barnacle that is Donald Trump is his speech style, where he’s clearly just letting his mouth run first before his brain can catch up. I mean, breaking down this response, his ongoing thought processes are just so obviously on the surface:

Yesterday I stumbled upon the fact that Martin Shkreli and Lin Manuel Miranda attended the same high school at the same time.

dropping sick beats like he drops sick customers