Yeah, someone got ripped off...

I shall now take every opportunity to introduce “WHY YOU COMIN’ AT ME WIT DEM PORK ASS HANDS?” into my vernacular. My people don’t even know what’s coming.

I used to work for the tabloids, so it’s not a question of if I have a story, but which one I tell the Jezzies.
There was the time Dave Navaro refused to be interviewed unless I gave him a blow-job. He had just married Carmen Electra.
There was the time on a red carpet that a very drunk Gary Busey asked me how, a…

my parents were craft service on that show “Method and Red” on FOX. As like a 16 year old (I’m 27 now), I would frequently come and work doing craft service shit for them unofficially, and unpaid on whatever show they were working on. I did it as a favor to them, but also I was coming out to see friends in LA that I…

this really isn’t a story about a celebrity being a dick but just giving the best self-effacing put down ever. I was shooting something for mtv with Joe strummer just before he died and we wrapped and were all drinking at Niagara at the end of the night. Jim Jarmusch came by to hang out with Joe Strummer out of the…

i was with my family seeing west side story on broadway, and tom and rita hanks and their kids (?) sat next to us. a league of their own is my absolute favorite movie, and i was flipping a shit. my dad leaned over and said, “excuse me mr hanks, a league of their own is my daughter’s absolute favorite movie and it’s…

Bill Clinton is as devastatingly charming in person as he appears on TV. That’s all I got.

So my parents bought their retirement home from a wealthy, childless gay couple. Y’all, this spot is wall-to-wall party showers. We’re talking minimum 25 square feet in the smallest one with 3 shower heads, and the master bedroom with, no fucking shit, 12 heads total and enough room to comfortably fit at least 10-15…

Honestly, she has no idea she s different except that she is sure that she’s far superior to all others. A company called Eddies Wheels for Pets makes Amazing custom wheels...that they can even swim in. She’s been in hers for 5 yrs and is on her second set of tires.

She’s a total grump and we love her for it! She also rolls in Mardi gras parades every year

The question, “why do we eat bread?” will be stuck in my head for weeks.

Yeah, now that I’m not holding up a Subway line being seemingly tested by a sandwich riddlemaster I can think of a few good reasons.

Personally, I love a nice, piping hot side of fryzerchips.

My friend likes to tell a story of ordering pizza delivery. He fell asleep while waiting, and was awakened by a loud knock on his door. Getting up slightly dazed from his nap, he asked who it was, only to hear the guy outside shout “DOWN WITH PEOPLE!” He could only ask, “wha...?” and the guy repeated “DOWN WITH…

Oh my goodness, this cracked me up. “Why do we eat bread?” really IS a tough philosophical question to answer out of nowhere.

I could probably submit one of these about myself. Many years ago when Subway sandwich shops were rocketing to the top of the national consciousness with the “Subway diet” I stopped in one day to eat with my family. I was a teenager and was waiting behind my family not really paying attention until I got up to the…

Protein is toxic to the liver. Large quantities necessitate high water consumption regardless.

The Rock must take some crazy dumps

Obligatory ‘‘Smell what The Rock is cookin’” joke.