Me, I think I’ll stick to a ratio of 0% mayo and 100% ketchup for my fries.

Bull Connor, playing to his audience

It’s all true. I have a dog and I love her to death. I also cannot wait to not have a dog. These are NOT contradictory feelings.

I really wish we could separate the issue of GMOs and Monsanto. Because 1 is fine, but fuck Monsanto. It’d be like arguing the internet sucks because Time Warner Cable sucks.

Baby blue and teal are really awful colors.

This is quite the nadir for Summit.

That’s the only check from a Schilling’s bank account that is being sent to the state of Rhode Island.

Related: Not being a sexist fuckwit about your corner offices likely to dovetail with other business practices that are good for the bottom line.

Schottenheimer’s cat: the unknown state of a football cat where not knowing if it was smuggled in or found at Arrowhead forces us to think about it as simultaneously both smuggled in AND found at Arrowhead.

Hands up if you’ve had fucking White Lines in your head all week.

As a lonely, desperate alcoholic who can seldom justify drinking before 10am, I fully support this plan.

sorry i don’t feel like confronting harrison ford’s mortality today

You know what? Fuck you.

Well, I’m glad I didn’t take that guy in my survival pool this week.

Poor soldier, having to attend a Rams game. Hasn’t he sacrificed enough?

Outrageous, but still better than the Fines Syracuse players were subjected to.

How do we know the Minion wasn’t the one to push her out in the first place? WAKE UP AMERICA!!!

I’m Kate Dries and I approve this message.

BLOCKED.