My theory: He just really wanted to talk about rubbing himself in cow shit in public.

Had to re-read that one three times and I still am not entirely sure what happened. I keep trying to reconstruct the moment in my mind and it always just deteriorates into a rainbow acid explosion with unicorns singing and dancing to Funky Town.

Wait... what? At first I thought, “I’m familiar with this kind of fundamentalist crazy, there won’t be anything new,” but I have no idea what’s going on there.

I think whoever wrote “pussy” meant “pus-y”, though I like thinking that he talking about “pussy sores.”

John Waters needs to put this guy in his next movie.

Yeah, if he doesn't die from an aneurysm first. That man needs an aspirin and some Netflix stat.

You’ll never catch Kevin Swanson tossing salad. EVER. NEVER. THAT’S TOO GAY FOR KEVIN SWANSON.

Monogrammed Thermos™ does both!

Your friend is the actual devil, no?

I can't tell if these stories warmed my icy cold heart or chilled my raging hot anger.

I’ve always known my dad was one of the good guys, but even I was pretty damned impressed with that. And I’ve made a point to use his guidelines when tipping ever since.

Holly’s entire rendition of that crazy story was hilarious but this

The writing on that one is the BEST. I lost it at fleeing the great Fucks Famine of 2015.

That was some nonsensical tossing of the word salad.

OH GOD. I haven’t even finished reading but that Funky Town story has brought actual tears to my eyes.

Far better than having to watch the real thing. Unfortunately though, it does raise standards and expectations for entertainment that the real View cannot achieve.

Bobby,

I once asked my Mom if she and my Dad had been trying to have a baby when I came along, and her answer was “Well, we weren’t trying very hard not to.”

Okay. Sure. This is great. But *is it enough* to cancel out all the times that stupid song sends someone into a potentially murderous rage?

True story - my mom and grandma have curly hair. My grandma had always gotten shit at jobs for her hair. When she finally got a union job, she wore a straight wig for her entire probationary period (a few months?) ad then the day after her probation was up, she wore her real hair to work and they couldn't say a damn…