10/10

Leslie Jones is living my DREAMS

Yes but we call it Canoogle and it filters out anything that's not personally approved by our prime minister.

In gif form:

I'm financially dominated. It's called my mortgage and kids. People pay for this treatment?

"This guy is into some really freaky stuff," Leathers said. "He liked the idea of buying me a strap-on to use on him. He wanted to be forced to wear a French maid outfit and clean my house while I degraded him. He wanted to be tied up and left in a closet to watch me have sex with my boyfriend."

I just outted myself... I have a flip phone :(

I didn't get that part of the story. How was she too sick to shovel, but then trecked 45 minutes in the snow to get him a coffee and scone? I think she was just "sick" of shoveling.

Next: Kim Kardashian as Celine Dion as Maria Callas lookalike.

I seriously want my job to be to make this shit up all day. Do you think the pay includes a marijuana per diem?

WHITES: THE REAL VICTIMS IN AMERICAN HISTORY

As a small business owner who encounters too many clowns who somehow convince themselves that my labors should be free, I don't think I am.

Pavlov is sitting alone in a bar, drinking.

A girl on my FB tried to pull something like this, claiming she didn't know how to shovel snow. The response was very different, a resounding 'WELP YOU'RE GONNA LEARN TODAY AREN'T YOU'. Newsflash, fellow wemminz: being pretty and thoughtful with scones won't help you get into shape for the apocalypse. Apoco-tips for…

"He shoveled her snow...and straight into her heart"

You can define making the bed in whatever way you want, I'm not really the quarter-bouncing type. But yes, if you live alone you should still make your bed — it's a thing to do for yourself! Try it out and just see how it goes, I bet you'll like it. (I'm like a creepy pusher, basically. Make the bed. Make it, you'll…

What the fuck does any of that have to do with the horrors that are involved in the institution of slavery in the United States.

I guess Prof. Segal is ... Under Siege.

The students at Berkley handled this way better than I would've wanted to. After raising his hands to my face I'd be all: