I feel like the headline for this story should have been, "Chicks dumped by dumped chick."

I had no idea people were allowed to send live chicks through the mail. That is horrible.

Joel McHale is very disappointed.

I will pay $10,000 for unretouched pictures of those curtains. I'm redecorating my guest bedroom, and want an unbiased example photo to show my live-in seamstress.

THESE ARE YELLOW. I CANNOT ALIGN MY CHAKRAS WITH YELLOW.

Hi. So, the first story is mine. I assure you, I didn't write it to be mean-spirited, but because it was absolutely hilarious. The guy was super nice, ate his meal, and like I said in the story, he said it was delicious. He even laughed when I explained that he had just had an entire meal at an Indian restaurant…

Until I hear from an actual doctor that this is a thing, there's no way I'm buying it.

When I was in Europe, selling monogrammed thermoses, THEY would cook my steaks for me until it was tender, no matter how long it took. Americans are so lazy sometimes.

I like my gratuity grilled until it's tender. Please remember that for next time.

The most passionate supporters of Israel, at this point, are evangelical Christians.

At the beginning of the school year I was going through my spiel with my students about using the ipads for their textbook. I was like, "I don't want to see you checking your fantasy football stats or playing that Kim Kardashian app" as examples of stuff NOT to do. Without skipping a beat, a girl who came in reading…

While that's a disappointment, it's their prerogative to set the rules for membership if they're a private organization. And I was glad that my women's only gym enjoyed the same prerogative. Yes, the reasons are different, but we have to be okay with private organizations doing things for whatever reasons they please…

Internet image search is an amazing thing, but I'm afraid you're gonna need more brain bleach to unsee this one...

Fewer words please. My god, tl;dr.

I'M NOT WHITE YOU FOOL.

I have the opposite problem. I love my Mac lipstick. I LOVE IT SO MUCH and I'm in a long distance relationship, so of course, when I see my fella, I wanna rock the lipstick.

Sortland had a blanket, a cell phone and a box of Wheat Thins with him.

If you are black it is because 1. You are followed by jezebel or 2. someone who is followed by Jezebel has starred or responded to your comment. On some sub blogs you can be black if the person you are replying to is following you, but I don't know if that is the case for Jezebel. You can follow people by clicking…

I hate this show. It's simply awful - still watching for her. You hit that nail square on.