If only they’d been so shitty to refugees instead, they might have a lock on the GOP nomination.

You raise a good point, but you’re wrong on one matter: You’re not really that attractive.

“Hey, everybody — get a load of this Italian who thinks he’s white!”

That’s ahistorical nonsense.

This is inaccurate. In my experience, closer to 95% of Yale faculty are Not Available.

“HEY HEY, HO HO. MOM JEANS HAVE GOT TO GO!”

Broad daylight, Broadway, Sunday. People having brunch at a restaurant with outdoor seating. Smelly homeless guy shambling down the sidewalk pauses outside the restaurant, drops his trousers and any undergarments he’s wearing, and proceeds to shuffle into the restaurant — buck naked from the waist down — through the…

One morning rush hour I’m walking to the Chambers Street station, and as I approach the stairs down from the sidewalk, I see a guy in the telltale standing position, and I think, “Oh man, dude’s pissing on the stairs? What a way to start my day.”

“CULTIVATE” alright — just yeast, if s/he’s lucky.

I thought all University of Phoenix games were played online.

“my ninjas” is racist tho.

OH MY GOD SOMEONE EVEN HAD TO JOIN A CONFERENCE CALL FROM THE AIRPORT!

“I did Boy Scouts for 20 years, too!” — Jared Fogle.

So the REAL trick is to case the neighborhood for all of those full bags stashed in the bushes.

You glossed right over the fact that the kid in the photos was in fact cured of Tay-Sachs. Eventually.

I totally believe that if I had gills, I could breathe underwater.

So this is what happens at the Global General Gathering of the Triple Nine Society.

i have three kids, and you know what they can do with a glass bottle.

“Not Calvin”

Are these scientists, or some kind of Nerdcore ska band?