If only they’d been so shitty to refugees instead, they might have a lock on the GOP nomination.

This is inaccurate. In my experience, closer to 95% of Yale faculty are Not Available.

“HEY HEY, HO HO. MOM JEANS HAVE GOT TO GO!”

Broad daylight, Broadway, Sunday. People having brunch at a restaurant with outdoor seating. Smelly homeless guy shambling down the sidewalk pauses outside the restaurant, drops his trousers and any undergarments he’s wearing, and proceeds to shuffle into the restaurant — buck naked from the waist down — through the…

One morning rush hour I’m walking to the Chambers Street station, and as I approach the stairs down from the sidewalk, I see a guy in the telltale standing position, and I think, “Oh man, dude’s pissing on the stairs? What a way to start my day.”

“CULTIVATE” alright — just yeast, if s/he’s lucky.

I thought all University of Phoenix games were played online.

“my ninjas” is racist tho.

OH MY GOD SOMEONE EVEN HAD TO JOIN A CONFERENCE CALL FROM THE AIRPORT!

“I did Boy Scouts for 20 years, too!” — Jared Fogle.

So the REAL trick is to case the neighborhood for all of those full bags stashed in the bushes.

I totally believe that if I had gills, I could breathe underwater.

So this is what happens at the Global General Gathering of the Triple Nine Society.

i have three kids, and you know what they can do with a glass bottle.

That video is my worst nightmare! Being in a Target with whiny kids.

“I know enough about lawsuits to say how deeply it affected me personally.”

What I don’t understand is how Odom could take all those herbal Viagra pills and still suffer organ failure.

WOW SHE’S SEEN L.E.S. GENTRIFICATION IN THE LAST 5 YEARS, PEOPLE!

This incident raises so many important questions. Like, did he take the 101 the whole way? Or did he take 126 to the 5, which can be faster, but there’s a lot of construction these days?