As a guy with a severe fear of getting kids in my irresponsible student years, I gotta say that my heart goes out to all those poor American boys and girls that aren't getting their birth control.

ZING.

If covering birth control in an insurance plan is a burden on your religious beliefs just wait until you're stuck with the burden of all those female employees on maternity leave.

A friend of mine made one of those. Her hexipuffs were elaborate, too—fair isle, intarsia. Me, I can't deal with tiny needles.

"tell me, why do former young designers who are now in their middle 40s have to redo the 1960s and 70s. Why they cannot invent fashion for today?"

Better electronic masturbation.

Don't make me agree with you, Lagerfeld! But I do... as a reward, I want pictures of Choupette.

" No, this is electronic masturbation."

OH. MY.GOD.

That's why I avoid thing that people need good measurements on to wear. I hate swatching and blocking.

OK, seriously? That octopus is fucking amazing.

Octopus sweater! I hope this works, I don't understand kinja.

YAY FOR KNITTING!

Congrats on your job offer. Tenure track is the promised land! For your mother's future reference, the only acceptable responses to landing a tenure-track job offer (or hearing about your child's offer) are as follows:

How... Isn't tenure-track quite literally the opposite of dead-end?

I only a month ago liberated myself from my mother. The last time we spoke on the phone, she asked how my life was and I told her I'd excitedly accepted a tenure-track faculty research position at my local University. She sighed and said, "Oh, another dead-end job? You see why I'm always worried about you? Why I…

The Valium/Vicodin is going to be close, I think.

WAY TO BURY THE LEDE

I'm going with... he's jealous of former co-star Julianna Margulies with her Harvard educated lawyer husband so he decided to copy her.

Or maybe, you know, he finds her smart and attractive and interesting and those two grown adults greatly enjoy each others' company. Anything's possible.