“hey, major companies, can you stop putting me on South Park’s side please?”

Why? 

“He seems like a genuine decent person.”

YEah, most genuinely decent people haaaaaaaaate women.

What does Marc Maron know about humour?

“Well, no, but you tried.”

Yep, you definitely got the point of the review. 

“while people were expecting an action film for some reason.”

It’s because people are stupid. That’s the reason for most of the uproar surrounding this decent movie. 

“Oh yeah sure, the 70's, when everyone had VCR’s....”

1981, and lots of people had VCRs and lots of comedy clubs tape every single performance that happens there and the video appeared on a national television show, so it’s not like it would be difficult for him to get a copy.

But hey, I’m sorry, I got in the way of…

“they prefer the words coming to them.”

As opposed to you, who literally had the words delivered to your door.

“They think a Shamrock Shake is a holiday drink.”

“Check out the ingredients listed, you may be concerned. Milk is noted first, but is it bovine? They never say that for sure.... Milk comes from every mammal, so there are plenty of alternative sources.

“Something cannot be “part” pure.”

Yes, something absolutely can. 

“She still got paid half as much as Hawke on the second film even though her contributions were deemed so important she got a fucking writing credit, along with him.”

And in between the two, she became the bigger star? Was that the point?

“This is definitely the only thing to consider when taking into account how much to pay COSTARS in a movie.”

Pretend it’s not, moron.

Imagine the good they could’ve done with the money they spent on a billboard in Times FUCKING Square in New York FUCKING City...

“Paid millions and didn’t have to watch the shit?”

Um, not paid millions, and YOU didn’t have to watch it either. Maybe not the smartest in the room, just smarter than you.

“It turns out that Gwyneth Paltrow never actually saw Spider-Man: Homecoming”

“he decided to go on a rant about why swastikas are not always bad, just entirely out of nowhere.”

Ok, but just hear me out! 

“In ‘American Sniper’ Eastwood overlooked the fact that we had invaded someone else’s country on false pretenses and were killing people defending their homeland from foreign invasion.”

“Overlooking” something isn’t the same as “not being about” something.

Because the folks complaining about this movie being some sort of white man salvation movie don’t actually know the story. 

“this is going to be a movie about the mainstream media getting it wrong and ruining a white dude’s life, isn’t it.”

AKA the absolute truth? 

“People hate Nickleback”

Nobody’s talking about “Nickleback”, genius.