Grim Yelp Reviews: where Behind Closed Ovens’ vomit and poop stories come to die.

I thought you didn’t want poop stories?

I love her. Shut up.

Every single candidate says “when I’m president” and never “if I’m president.” The reasons are obvious: they want to project self-confidence and determination.

Omg. The girl I work with, EMMA. I wrote about her here before! She’s the one who showed our customers a picture her friend took of one of our classmates on fire (struck by lightning).

THIS GIVES MY SINGLE, LOVELESS LIFE HOPE!!!!

I’d rather watch a reality show about the production crew working on an insane reality show.

I posted recommending the Grand Traveler. It’s the bigger version of the Weekender and it’s fantastic. Holds so much stuff!

Man, I loved Sha Na Na as a kid. I actually dressed up as Bowzer for Halloween one year.

Same here. When I read about “Drake Bell” saying something ugly against Jenner I thought, “who, Drake? Isn’t he supposed to be a nice guy?”

Can we just have a regular feature in Jezebel called ‘This Week in Celebrity Apologies?’ I feel like it would save us all a lot of time just to have them all in one place.

Hermione and Ron are the supporting actors, yes, because everything they do as characters support Harry. Frodo is the main character because every other character in LOTR is either directly or indirectly supporting him. Grace and Frankie are the main characters not only because they are title characters, but because…

Yes, because if even these powerful, famous millionaires are getting screwed over by the pay gap, it proves that the pay gap is in fact a thing that needs to be addressed, rather than a feminazi myth.

Pulling your junk out in public is never, ever acceptable, but can we talk about how asking someone if they’re wearing underwear is ALSO NOT ACCEPTABLE? She wasn’t asking for it, she didn’t having it coming, but seriously.

“and then, once he’d left the store, [I] scrubbed the counter top down with a metric fuckton of disinfectant.”

He grinned at me, lifted his kilt and without even hesitating, flopped his sad, exposed wiener onto our stainless steel counter top.

General theme of today’s stories: Men being creepy as fuck.

Note: I do not want poop stories. Please stop sending me poop stories.

“Having a child doesn’t mean you have to stop living your life and limiting where you go...”

Actually, that’s exactly what it means. Having a child means changing your lifestyle significantly.