I want every post to start with “ARGLE BARGLE” forever.

But we don’t need unions or collective bargaining or wage laws because each individual server can just use the vast power and leverage they hold to stop the managers from doing this sort of thing. Also I have a magic unicorn rabbit that shits skittles.

Let me just get the Pinkham’s Law out of the way, because I don’t see any yet and I’m SURE it’ll happen-

ARGLE BARGLE BUT RESTAURANT MANAGERS WORK HARD TOO AND NEVER GET TIPS DID YOU KNOW RESTARANT MONAGERS CARE ONLY ABOUT THE SUCCESS OF THE RESTESRAUNT AND ARE SELFLESS ANGELS TO WORK AS HARD AS THEY DO FOR THE…

12 million gallons for one home is a drop in the bucket to you? Get over yourself.

The thing that drives me batshit crazy about this whole thing is that Apostolic Christians don’t believe that Catholics are real Christians! Why is she so excited to meet the head of the Catholic Church if she believes Catholics are going to hell?! (Answer: Because she’s an attention whore.)

I wonder if “It was the fault of someone else in the Church, the Pope is still super cool” is basically just their letterhead at this point.

Is there going to be a

I was joking around about the bacon sandwich.

Holy shit! I didn’t even notice that bolded, italicized, mostly-all-caps editor’s note! Silly me!

The Reuben one reminded me of a story Terry Pratchett told. He said that one jet-lagged evening he accidently asked for Three Mile Island dressing for his salad. The waitress didn’t say a word, just brought him Thousand Island dressing and a bottle of hot sauce.

Noelle is a genius. I would have never figured out that the guy was freaking out over the sharpie smell.

We save bread here. We don’t use it to beat people with.

I’m sorry, but I really have to put this here: There, they’re, their:

They are certainly expensive, and not the most environmentally friendly choice, but not everyone can use a menstrual cup. I tried, and it was difficult to put in, and painful to take out. It just doesn’t work for some people. Some people can’t justify spending $20 to find out if they like it or not. Some people are…

Their own tests recently showed they missed 19 out of 20 attempts to get weapons and explosives past them.

“These consumer products are ‘peace of mind’ devices, not part of TSA’s aviation security regime.”

“We encourage you to buy our licensed locks because we charge companies for the privalege of having our stamp on them. We can assure you that these locks serve no actual purpose, and your luggage would actually be safer if you locked it with a paperclip”

Kosovar/British singer. Good voice! Lame, overproduced material, unfortunately. But the girl’s got pipes.

AT FIRST GLANCE I THOUGHT IT WAS GWEN STEFANI.

Chalky Death = my new band name.