Too bad there’s no HD Body Time Saver pack to download. Looks like I need to spend some time grinding to level up!

C’mon, kid. If you want to hit a zebra you’ll need to get into dental school first.

Making the errant decision to give in at a time of maximum leverage? Someone needs some nanobubbles to regain focus.

Hey, it’s Julia Roberts!

“JET FUEL CAN’T MELT A MOTHER’S PRIDE!”

Rather than Hearhstone, I figure we could give it a better moniker. Might I suggest “Madden the Gathering”?

Anyway, no one cares about sneaker politics

It was clear all along. A 9/11 survivor would never agree to represent a place that claims to traffic fiery wings.

Donald Trump made me agree with Matt Walsh. So basically Donald Trump is now my sworn mortal enemy.

I can help, Brian. Just tell your missus tonight when you see her that every so often you want to go to Chipotle with your colleagues, and you’ll let her know when so she doesn’t have to pack you lunch on those days. She’ll not only be totally fine, she is probably thinking right now, “You know it would be nice to not…

Russell Wilson is all Wilsons, even ones played by Earl Hindman.

You eat the lunch your wife packed at like 10 a.m. then still go get your burrito. Or eat the burrito and throw the lunch away and never mention it. But you don’t, under any circumstances, risk fucking that situation up, you moron.

It’s hard to overstate just how badly I want Mariota to thrive and Winston to bust. The 30 for 30 on the Bucs’ decision would just be so glorious.

I’m trying to grasp the “Wonder” part of his name. Unless I’m missing something, “Zeke the Average Dog” seems more appropriate.

When I was younger my family had season tickets to an NFL team and I always wondered why the halftime shows always seemed to consist of dogs catching Frisbees. I later found out it was the team’s way of saying “go buy food at the concession stands.”

This would be magnificent.

This is even more impressive when you realize the officer was unseeded.

That’s good, but the original was better.

Dude deserves it. You can’t be this annoying in GTA. This isn’t Second Life.

Hey, I don’t need to spend $800 on a quadcopter for women to make me feel distant and small!