My first and last name are both unpronouncable, and when I was in high school so was one of my friends. Our other friend’s last name was “Stanley”, so we just started using that whether she was along or not. I haven’t talked to her in ten years but still use that name when I go into a restaurant.

Red Lobster is garbage, and putting it above Friday’s or Outback is a garbage opinion.

The themesong for this show drives me absolutely insane. It’s such an earworm, and you can’t unhear it, you’ll spend the rest of your day going around with “PAW PATROL PAW PATROL DA DA DA DA DAAAAAA” inside your head.

I disagree with Burneko on almost everything in terms of politics, and I sincerely hope he writes one of these for every candidate that drops off the trail on either side.

About ten years ago, when driving my 13 year old honda civic (with bald tires) up 79 to visit my girlfriend in Erie, the light rain suddenly turned to ice. My right front tire skidded but the left front caught, sending me spinning from the left lane, through the right, and off the road. Once I got off the pavement, my…

I think if you tip well and allow for extra time so the driver can be cautious, you’re fine. I don’t know about DC, but in western PA bad roads are an expected condition; everybody driving here knows how to handle it. Your pizza might take an extra 15 minutes and you should definitely tip the guy well, but other than…

It has been entirely too long since the last one, these are my favorite thing on the internet (except porn). Thanks Drew!

If you really want to be horrified, look up the “Having a Ball in Arkansas” episode of the Matt and Mattingly’s Ice Cream Social podcast. It involves a trip to the ER resulting from an overly aggressive BJ, and is the most painful thing I’ve ever heard.

Pittsburgh should definitely be on the list of most insufferable sports teams (except maybe for the fact that we don’t have an NBA team). I live here and love my town, but all the SIXBURGH and CITY OF CHAMPIONS morons drive me up a wall. We’re basically flyover country with delusions of grandeur, please stop acting…

I was thinking an old-school muscle car, the cheaper and more beat-ass the better. I’d love to know how a $2000 1971 Chevelle or something along those lines performs today compared to the stuff you’ve had.

My wife has one of those cookie guns, and just used it this weekend. But I think we bought ours at Target for like eight dollars.

Gringo Tacos all the way: 99 cents worth of shells and taco powder, whatever the grimmest ground beef you can procure is, and some lettuce and tomato. Still a favorite, particularly in case of emergency after getting home from a bad family dinner.

I wear jeans mostly when I’m doing work-work, like not sitting at a desk. Desk work requires slacks if you’re at an office. So it’s a double edged sword; if you’re digging a ditch, nobody gives a shit what your pants look like, but they’re probably filthy after a single use. I prefer to wash them if I’m going to wear…

I once had a guy literally bumping shoulders with me who cupped his shirt and threw up into it. This wasn’t a late-night bus, it was like 5 PM.

I was severely disappointed to discover that “Krapsnaps Bazingas” isn’t his real name.

The lack of Doc Martens on this list is crazy. I buy one pair every two years, for around $120, and they’re the only shoes I ever wear.

When I was 18, along with two of my friends I got the Chinese character for “Faithful” tattooed on my back. We actually ripped a page out of a Chinese-to-English dictionary at the Barnes and Noble to make sure we got it right (we’re not Chinese and have no connection to China). It was meant to signify both religious…

I do hope that you follow up on this when you finish the book.

I am surprised that Charlie Batch didn’t get a mention in this. Dude got to sit and watch as Ben got killed for years.

This is the least helpful advice ever.