Hiding in my house away from society, eating a single 7-11 hot dog, cursing everyone setting off fireworks for traumatizing my cats, feeling grateful that I married someone who doesn't give a shit about the Fourth of July and who doesn't force me to attend Fourth of July events with big crowds.

MILLAHH

Good luck, Mr. Cubrarian. And I wish I could say that this was a sign of organizational incompetence that it took so long for everything to come together, but to me it just says that library bureaucracy is indeed in charge of this. It took SIX MONTHS to get through the process of applying to San Francisco Public…

I for some reason thought it was a direct response to Dikachu's comment about Fox News shaming the Obamas for going on vacation, and I was really confused for a second as to why people were shooing the Obamas away from their front steps because the locks on their gates didn't work.

Oh Edith. Poor, stupid Edith. Has there been any character so loathed by their creator as Edith Crawley?

Jesus Gutierrez in the backseat: "Hola…"

It was definitely these people:

Lyft drivers that have the radio turned to anything but bland music are just asking for awkwardness. The other day I got one who was listening to catholic radio. There were commercials for creationist history textbooks playing and I had to bite my lip to keep from saying something.

I always stick around during Pixar movie credits scenes because I love the list of production babies.

Wait, you can DO that?

Happens more often than you'd think!

Eh he's not bad, he's running with the "your college roommate's bangable dad that insists on giving you a lot of wine and showing you his fancy car when you visit their house" look.

I think it was something that kids said or that people would say ironically, but actually saying it sincerely was going to get you laughed at (along with "tubular", "radical", and generally anything else popularized by the Ninja Turtles).

I can't remember the last time I said it to express my opinion, but that might just be because I'm cooler than you.

My friends took me out to see that movie for my 14th birthday. That was also the day that my beloved cat got out of the house and was almost immediately killed by the neighbor's dog (thankfully my parents found her remains, not me). That was a shitty birthday of epic proportions.

I'd Be Able to Get a Job If I Had My Own Car, Dad

"Fuck, have you seen my Sublime album? Do I have to buy a third one? WHO KEEPS STEALING MY SUBLIME ALBUMS?" — the most overheard phrase of 1996

Alternate and much more 90s-accurate titles:

Those WB cartoons from the 90s gave me a thorough background in pop culture knowledge that no other eight year old ever could relate to or care about. Thanks, Freakazoid!

When I was going through my Harold Lloyd phase a few months ago, I took in that an overwhelming majority of his gags were comically failed attempts at committing suicide. These movies were made during The Depression…