Going from the trailers, I figured that the ending would be that the kid invents some hokey George Lucas-esque flying contraption, rescues the molested girl, and flies away into the sunset with her. Meanwhile, Naomi Watts blows the girl's father's head off with a sniper rifle.

The trailers for this thing have left me completely befuddled as to whom this movie is marketed to. The tone so wildly flip-flops between "precocious tween making doofy inventions" and "Naomi Watts in tactical gear with a sniper rifle" that I have no clue what audience they're trying to reach.

I have friends with a two year old son who will eat literally nothing but gold fish crackers and buttered bread. He loves carbs, mommy, and daddy, in that order.

There's a YouTube channel called Hiho Kids that has kids eating foods unique to various cultures. It's cool to see that some American kids with cultural backgrounds like Filipino and Chinese can instantly recognize and happily eat food that other kids are terrified of. Most of the kids are good sports too.

I passed by a store this morning that had a banner advertising PREMIUM FIDGET SPINNERS. I suppose the low-end ones that poor ADD children buy are made with Chinese factory lead or something.

Tony Stark's super posh birth control pills?

Do you live in Vietnam?

Is that the one that goes "aaaaAAAAAAtrussss…" all creepy-like?

LetsgoCHRIIS! - spoken like no human ever.

Thankfully he was in Mountain View, which is about an hour south of the city.

I can't watch the video at work, but do they go into the SONIC IS DROWNING music that instantly causes everyone to hears it to have a PTSD-triggered panic attack?

I am so very excited for this. The hype is making me realize just how much I genuinely loved DuckTales when I was little.

Telling them the cost of fertility treatments (none of which are covered by our insurance) and implying that if they wanted a baby out of us so badly that they could pitch us some cash to help out was also helpful in shutting them down. Ha.

Catching up on Fargo inspired me to make a coconut creme pie in the spirit of Nikki Swango, "with the chocolate flakes on top". I was elated to find actual coconut pudding, and not have to resort to vanilla pudding with coconut milk (which works fine in a pinch). It's a darn good pie, you betcha.

Oh I hear that, my dad is constantly giving me unsolicited advice about how to balance marriage and work and I'm like…uhh, you are the last person I would ever go to for advice on that. I observed your marriage to my mom my entire life and picked up what I needed to know on my own, thanks.

I'm just going to chalk it up to his usual complete lack of tact and restraint.

About the shooter being dead…does it strike anyone as a little weird that Trump was the one to announce that? Like I'm sure that it's perfectly within his authority to be the one to make that publicly known, but it's just off-putting that it's coming from him and not an official source from law enforcement.

The only people qualified to comment on the state of your marriage are yourself and your spouse. Fuck everyone else. Doesn't stop people from tearing you apart, unfortunately, but if you get confrontational enough about it they'll at least do it in private out of earshot. I know that from experience.

I fell down the stairs and broke my toe. Never broken a bone before. It's…fun.

Neato. I have a bottom layer of super fine curly baby hair that always falls out of the ponytail if my hair isn't long enough to catch everything. I'm going to see if that works for me. Thanks MLA!