you know what I find offensive? 18 year olds getting shot and prosecutors intentionally throwing the case

who knew the magic announcers were avid deadspin commenters?

Penises actually feel things and have nuanced responses to stimuli and environments.

He traveled.

All those dogs are dead now.

Trust me on this: Come Sunday that stadium will be completely white again.

"Sissy boy" there is current millitary and quite hetero, hate to ruin your fun.

Answering every question with a "yeah" is what got me fired from my job as a suicide hotline operator.

Plus he totally traveled.

Relax, dude. We're stepping the hell off your lawn. No need to get testy.

Yes. That's why he's in the NFL and not you. He's using stick-em gloves.

"#wannakillmyself"

I'm pretty sure humans evolved without a specialized section of the brain for finding our keys what with us becoming humans first and inventing keys thousands of years later.

Side note: I was also having sex the exact moment Owen Hart died, and the PPV was on in the background. I even paused for a moment of silence.

I'm assuming you know she was kind of stoned because Cosby drugged her in order to rape her, but you're simply a massive shitheel and needed to let us know whether you, yourself, wanted to rape the rape victim. Bravo.

Sure! Here you go:

Black People: Fuck this Lemon guy. We don't want him.

>> you — you know, there are ways not to perform oral sex if you didn't want to do it.

Shut up and stay out of it. "Sometimes I yell at black youths playing the rippity-rap out of their cars!" is almost as tenuous of an excuse as Wise's "My dad knew someone who knew someone" line.

YOU MADE HIM, YOU KEEP HIM. DEAL WITH IT.