Yeah I don’t even like seeing dog poop in bags just sitting abandoned on the street, and dogs regularly poop outside so it’s not unexpected. Human poop in a bag on the street is just depressing af

That’s a truth bomb, right there.

Reaching into a date’s toilet is just begging a whole heap of embarrassing mischief to befall you.

“As far as I know nobody can photosythesize their nutrients and excrete their waste in a polite raspberry scented mist.”

People are babies until their mid-30s, typically.

More likely they don’t want to talk about the fact he was gay.

It was like watching the world’s most expensive high school play.

That’s what really hit me (sorry.) What the hell do you mean BEFORE????

Twice.

What someone does with their pet is not a result of a shelter’s policy - it’s the result of that person’s own actions and decisions.

I honestly don’t understand why people can’t just own up to the fact that shit happens. Yeah, it’s a funny story but I would have never thought to go to those lengths to dispose of my shit.

Based on comments from friends (and commenters here) who have looked to adopt a pet , I feel like the pet adoption game is ridiculously and counter-productively fraught with barriers and stress and the only people they let adopt a pet have huge homes, huge yards, no job, no young children, no other commitments and…

That’s nice. But here in the real world people lose jobs and can barely afford to feed themselves let alone their pet. Not everyone has family and friends who have the ability to take on an additional pet.

So several women in my family like to point out to the men that apparently Megan Fox has unattractive thumbs.

Getting rid of this asshole cat is legit the only serious argument in the past 15 years of my marriage. I want him gone, but the covert little bastard knows to cuddle Mr. Werner like a living teddy bear.

No way. It’s definitely a Pontiac Sunfire

I can smell what he’s cooking and it’s pretty delicious.

His face looks so gaunt for someone so young! Nothing good is happening there.

You guys, I once ran down to the basement of my apartment building to use “the shitter” (you know, the toilet-only-in-a-closet that old homes sometimes have in the basement) so that a guy I seriously had a crush on wouldn’t know I pooped. I am convinced to this day he heard the flush and knew what I was up to and…

I say that automatically when something goes wrong with the printer at work. No one gets it, but it always fixes the printer.