I was listening to somebody explain Mother to their friend at the bar last night whilst eating dinner, he was obviously a fan and was just being so pretentious explaining its deep relevance. Halfway through my burger I was fantasizing about kicking him in the throat. 

Like fresh out the grease, super fast. By the time we noticed the smoke plume the entire back of her house was aflame. I’m happy I got her dog at least, two of her cats asphyxiated but one got burnt up and it was a sight/smell/noise I’m not gonna forget soon. Luckily my wife’s aunt is moving in with her mom so my sis…

Well I think you’re fucking spot on, clean that goddamned lint trap. Sister (is?) okay, we were sitting on her front patio. Back of the house bursted into flames, not subtly, boof! Her three cats died but I was able to get her dog, photo albums, and grandma’s wedding dress out before shit got bad. I did take a ceiling…

Clothes dryer. Went up real fast. You’re the best Jpo, thanks for the commiseration.

No longer want*.

Naw, Indiana, electrical fire. Her dryer apparently. Shits worked out now, was just a fucked couple of weeks ya know? My guts are fine, my kidneys no longer way to liquefy and blast out of my asshole. Much better now! Sorry to disconsolately rant at you Jpo, tricks are good on my end! Just needing to vent a bit.

I suppose I am technically, hehe. Been kinda rough Jpo, week before last I was going off on everyone, having bad rages. Then last week my sisters house burnt down, my best friends mom died, one of my dogs got bloat and I passed two kidney stones. So frankly shitty on my end but this week is shaping up much better!

Hey Jpo! Hope you’re doing swell!

Hey Jinni, everyone is doing okay! My wife’s aunt moved out of her apartment to move in with her aged mom so she let my sister and her husband move in! Worked out spectacularly well, I mean it’s a one bedroom apartment so it’s a definite downsize but I think it’s neat we figured out someplace for them to live so soon.…

I think at least 80% of my favorite shows have had Chris Parnell in them in some capacity.

Pretty much lost all her stuff but physically she’s fine. Including her three cats, but her dog got out and luckily I was able to find the little guy. Plus by some miracle her bedroom was unscathed so other than smelling like smoke her clothes, photo albums, and jewelry remained mostly intact. It’s honestly kind of…

Manstress? Someone will probably beat me to it.

Sorry I insulted you. Have a swell day.

I’m trying but I don’t see the rampant appeal for these things. I guess I’m old?

No I’m very fucking stupid. You familiar with tonality? I know it’s hard on the internet but maybe just shut the fuck up sometimes?

YOURE SO SMART!!! Good for you!!!

Oh my gosh here’s a bunch of fucking cookies and gold star stickers. Has anyone told you how smart you are today???

Can I literally not say fucking anything with any with any degree of levity and every mother fucker needs to drop corrective shit on me like I’m some mentally handicapped goblin??? YOURE ALL SO SMART!!!! YOURE ALL SO SMART!!!

Okay.

Yea shit seems pretty bad at the airport, fucking unhinged pieces of fucking garbage with guns.