My wife says that shit all the time and I constantly reassure her it’s not true. I’m sure you’re the only one who thinks you’ve got a disproportionate sized dome. If you think I’m full of hot Komodo dragon ejaculate that’s fine, but I promise you’re no John Merrick ;)

I spend way too much time on the toilet. I tried one and my legs got numb as hell, I’m 6'4" and I felt like a jack ass trying to use the Squatty-P.

We should’ve domesticated them instead of cats, there’d be more around and maybe they wouldn’t be assholes all the time. Plus all that sweet delicious Pangolin milk.

Not to be confused with the Ambutichoke, a very rare species of sentient plant released by the government in the 70's to create Twizzlers.

Shark tooth mongoose hybrid necromancy!

Anthropomorphic adorable pine cones!

Guess I dodged a bullet...

Wait, I’m pretty lower middle class. Do I need to hide my corpse throne? Can I at least keep a couple of skulls to jerk off/poop into?

Not if you buy my snake oils and various tonics!!! Get you some more of that Snork Juice!!!

Dude looks like his eyes are about to plop out of his orbital sockets any second so he’s probably just afraid to

Yea, I gotcha, seems kinda shitty and dismissive in the context.

Didn’t mean to be accusatory, probably could’ve used a better term. Sorry.

From the limited perspective I have it looks fucking lovely.

I often wonder if he’s capable of growing facial hair and what it would look like if he did....

Fuck them, diminishing your accomplishments cause of who you are doesn’t apply to their narrow format is weak and small.

I’ll support you fully on your ‘Stop being dicks’ campaign. Simple and effective.

Was the dissenter in a recent discussion about the inherent nature of humans. We’re absolutely not ‘good’ by nature. Caught a lot of flak, and I was unerringly polite, yet people who were pro-humanity said horrible things to me. About my life (of which they know nothing), my opinion, just tried to cleave my rectum in…

Never, unfortunately

Godspeed you poor bastard, my heart goes with you.

St. Patrick’s day in Chicago is fucking mayhem. I treated it like the Purge and just fucking tried to stay safe til it ended