“I can’t wait for the 2030 BRZ 5-door crossover with automated steering and FWD. I really enjoyed that car when I could fit in it.”

I really hope my Subaru holds up that well, I bought it fully intending to keep it for that long. My last Mustang (‘01) held on for 12 years with no problems but when the gas tank started leaking and the front control arms started dying the writing was on the wall. On the other hand I haven’t owned a Chevy that didn’t…

Not as bad as the woman I met named Shitonia (Shit-on-ya) Brown. There was also a little girl in my city named Shithead (Shuh-thayd). You have to really hate your kids to do something like that. Nobody believes me when I say those names are real but I had the first one’s driver’s license on file and the second was in…

Last year in my state an axe came off the back of a truck and hit a windshield. Last April I was not far behind a trailer carrying boxes of drywall but had the foresight to not tailgate it in the same lane. Three boxes came flying off the back and totalled the two cars behind it. Between incidents like this and the…

Laugh if you must, but know that this stacker was intelligent enough to use roof crossbars. The Challenger driver was not.

They literally shake themselves apart after two years of heavy driving; something new fell off every trip. I had to drive several as a company driver. They turned them into god-awful, sluggish vehicles. The Durangos are about as sad. I don’t know how they managed to make a V-8 that slow even with “Eco” mode disabled.

I did a lot of test drives this year. The best was the new fully-optioned Mazda CX-5. It’s one of those cars with a rare useful HUD, nice seats, and it doesn’t drive like a tug boat. The most “pleasant” thing I drove, including a Mercedes E350.

“Alright, so get this doc: I had my toothbrush upright on my bed like I always do, see? Toothpaste, wet, all ready to go because I usually just slam my face on the mattress to brush. So anyways I was walking around nude and... there was this spider, right? So I jumped on my bed toothbrush ass-first and wouldn’t you…

By far the worst story I’ve heard is a woman that didn’t know you were supposed to take tampons out. She just slowly jammed 6 months of them in and gave the doctor a very awful surprise. Somehow she had an equally dumb sister with related problems.

I still own a 2013 Impreza and it’s been a great car, but it’s as if they’ve done everything in their power since I bought it to never make me get a new Subaru. For every nitpick I have about the 2013, the next update fixes that issue and adds three more. Why does every single model feel like it’s regressing into an…

The crisis at Maserati is that they want to sell expensive luxury cars at a premium but still just make crap that sits in auto repair shops.

My Ruger.

That reminds me of one of my neighbors during Hurricane Florence. His house burned for some unknown reason on the second night, but his Maserati was fine.

I don’t know. If I had to choose a Ferrari or a Kardashian I would be troubled. Oh who am I kidding, the Ferrari is going to burn eventually anyway.

The car thieves that always confounded me the most were rental car jackers. They go into an establishment, hand over a credit card and driver’s license, and then keep the car. It’s not particularly difficult to locate them afterwards. The frequency that it happens to rental fleets is stupifying.

I really don’t like the term “rape” being given every adjective in the English language to describe daily life. But then I remember my mother’s story about her involuntary episiotomy and I lose the will to argue about this one. Hospital obstetrics has a pretty unfortunate history in this respect.

As the family member of someone that just bought a used 2009 Mercedes: Never again. Low miles (25k) but it’s already spent a month in the shop and cost $3000 over some electrical motor issues. The thing came back with fluid leaks but it’s getting sold asap. An AMG with 92k miles is like opting-in to a waking nightmare…

In 2013 when I was shopping around for cars they were asking 38k for base model BRZ’s because “there’s only 5 in the state.” It hurts their feelings when you laugh in their face and walk off.

So when are we getting a Saya no Uta remaster?

They actually just put roundabouts in all over my area in NC. The traffic lights and random Y intersections were all too dangerous. We placed bets on how many drunks would drive over the median but it hasn’t really happened yet like it does in downtown Wilmington. They have a statue in the middle of a street there…