Nobody tell them Bikini Atoll is where a beloved children’s cartoon takes place, they might get another thing people love banned by association.

Lying to him has proven to be a pretty effective option for everyone.

I’m scared. I’ve owned an Impreza hatchback for 6 years and realize I’ve been slowly turning into this person. I bought Chacos last week and I’m moving to Asheville for work. There is a kayak on my roof right now. I might need help.

It doesn’t break new ground, and it really should.

Can I also be forgiven for not remembering that Nissan sells cars?

In 15 years when I can find a used one with this interior, I’ll get right on it.

Banshee. It’s still a good name. If they’re releasing Demons and Hellcats now then why not? Of course Raven probably never got used for a similar reason. I disagree with Basilisk because nobody will ever agree on how to pronounce it, and the word already fills me with dread because of Dark Souls. I’ll always think of…

I actually want to know how these stack up against the Subaru AWD. I would sell my Impreza hatchback for one if I can get it with good factory crossbars and a functioning AWD. That’s honestly all the new Imprezas have over a Mazda.

Every conversation I’ve had about the STI has the phrase “yeah but where’s the hatchback?” somewhere in it.

I thought the CVT couldn’t even handle more than 240hp.

Thank god I decided not to trust a Subaru mechanic to take my entire engine out to swap some working springs. I don’t actually know anyone that took their car in for that recall yet.

The worst two lie buttons are the traction control toggles (that just tone traction down) and the ECO button on any Dodge Grand Caravan.

The trunk liner from James Dean’s Porsche was in that beast. It killed two mechanics and a Milton Bradley executive. That’s why they used a domino.

They just scream “sci-fi camp” to me after all the silly films they’ve been in. It’s what futuristic bio-electric cars look like in films like Demolition Man. I’m also used to looking at moving spokes when a vehicle is creeping forward so it would be weird on most cars to me.

The question is, will these Porsches depreciate at the same speed as their normal 911's? Because I would love to pick up a year-old used one for $45,000. I guess “electrical problems” would be a really big red flag on these cars though.

I would love to be an Asshole Consultant.

I never had an alignment on my Mustang and sold it at 12 years old just as the front control arm bushing were about to die. I payed for an alignment on my Subaru last year and they told me “there’s a little bit of a camber but we can’t do anything about it, it’s not cambered enough” but I still got charged $75 for the…

I just started looking for a new one and was disappointed in the offerings. The Volkswagen actually looks like the best thing out and that scares me a little.

“A little electrical problem” on a BMW. That’s like looking under your dash and seeing a lit stick of dynamite.

In parts of Canada I’m sure breaking down and being stuck on a highway is a survival situation instead of an inconvenient walk and phone call.