That game last night is the reason we watch football.

Because she’s an indignation-based life form?

The Good Christians have three wives and a porn star now.  Try to keep up, babe!

Eight years ago we all thought Sarah was the most dysfunctional and absurd thing that would ever happen to politics in the United States. Things are now so bad that I can’t even remember what it is she (and hubby) got up to.

Jeez, is there anything this broad won’t quit?

I wish we could punish fans like these, but they are already Browns fans.

2-14, most likely. 

And I looked back and saw only one set of footprints in the sand, and I asked God, “Why, when I needed you most, why did you abandon me?” God replied, “No, Antonio, it was then that I carried you. Because you cryogenically froze your fucking feet. This was one month ago! How do you not remember this?”

Who knew all you needed to win 19 Slams was gamesmanship and getting the crowd to motivate you.

Medvedev really shouldn’t have skipped taking those Pre-Nadal vitamins.

How the fuck do you have a hundred-millionaire brother, and think its cool to grab a friend to go beat and rob an old lady at a casino?

If steroids are what it took to kill that mustache dead, then it was all worth it.

Or more likely, getting handsy with the elves.

Sometimes these things just happen, entirely naturally...

He looks like a mall Santa that got fired for having beard lice.

I feel like there is a direct correlation between the girth of one’s head and neck and their propensity to date rape.

Not saying I would rob an 84 year-old, but I think you should be able to without bashing in their skull. 

“Dolphins head coach Brian Flores declared on Friday, ‘I have a good team.’”

Please, please, please NFL: Flex the Pats-Dolphins game to the Sunday night slot. The whole country really needs to laugh right now.

Haven’t seen a dolphin massacre like this since I was last in Japan.