If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball!

“And Suzy died so bravely, filming the very tsunami that took her from us”

So basically every design meeting I’ve ever sat through.

Design meeting attended by only various versions of 11 year-old me

Design meeting:

“What should the failure mode be for the wave generator?”
“Nothing, it should just die quietly and stop functioning.”
“We could do that. Or.. and hear me out on this one...”

That one sailed further over your head then his last toss as an Indian 

“Hold my teeth": for when "hold my beer" just isn't enough.

I used to know this dude, a recovering crack addict, but still for whatever reason, hung out at bars. One night there was a ruckus starting, and he was in the middle of it. Despite his past transgressions, he wasn’t a bad guy and we got along. As I was trying to pull him away, he looked at me, dead in the eye and said…

Trevor Bauer isn’t mad he got traded to a non-contender. He finds the whole thing funny, and is actually laughing at how angry you seem to be.

I told you to stop calling me that in public. 

Dad?

Listen, fun is fun, but if you’re going to interrupt your kid’s summer league game do it in the time honored and respectable fashion...get into a drunken argument with the official, before taking a few swings at random parents trying to separate the two of you, then storm off to your car screaming, “I’m sorry, I…

LeBron’s celebrations are completely classless. It sends the wrong message to kids that the refs and the league didn’t assess a technical foul on his son’s team because of LeBron’s antics. Follow the rules like everyone else. Because of this star worship, I fell two damned points short of hitting the over.

That was such a bad faith article. And now it looks even worse.

Yeah, but don’t forget, the USMNT and all of its players do not support the USWNT at all because individuals didn’t comment on ongoing litigation despite y’know, a previous published letter of support and this one.

Hey, remember that time Deadspin said the men’s team doesn’t support the women’s team?

It would make sense for them to go in together and ask for similar structures, but i’m not sure that it’s going to benefit the USMNT that much

I have reached out to every member of the US Men’s soccer team, former President Obama, and deceased football legend Johan Cruyff for comment. So far I have received no response. I think that says it all.

I mean, keep in mind we (Phillies) just took 15 innings to beat the Tigers in a game, so...

As a Phillies fan, should you be talking shit about teams playing ugly baseball?