I had a Ford Focus that was actually pretty fun, aside from the standard Ford shitbox gearbox issues. I liked it enough that I went to the dealership in the town I was visiting and picked the mechanic’s brain (it was a very small town dealership, my uncle knew him), and he told me they were all like that. So much for…

What the fuck? They’re obviously referencing the decorative painting style of rose mauling, which originated in Norway. It’s a fucking fantasy movie set in fantasy Scandinavia, not a fucking documentary about fucking snowflakes.

When I took driver’s ed, we had a brief note on riding motorcycles, and were instructed to ride a 2-wheeled in the wheel tracks on the highway (the 1 and 3 in the diagram above). Since most roads are crested in the center for run-off to escape, and the wheel tracks are often indented, it’s safer to ride where your…

Do I have any legal recourse against an ex who turned me into a Mets fan?

Fuck the Elite controller. Mine constantly thinks the “up” direction on the left analog stick is active, after maye 3 months of light use. It’s amazing and ergonomic and feels fantastic...but if the analog sticks start acting weird, well, have fun with that. MSFT is using the same cheap analog encoder as they use on…

As someone who was instructed to drink medically necessary milkshakes to put weight back on after mysteriously dropping 80 pounds in 6 months, I get you there. 

I once looked in my mirror for cyclists, didn’t see anyone, and opened my door. WOOSH went a cyclist, who’d just come out of a nearby driveway, and he yelled at me for not looking.

You’d be surprised! I have the optical trackball version of the IntelliMouse (same color scheme, but y’know, trackball), and they’re running 300-400 bux on the used market.

When the rapture comes, it won’t matter, cuz they’ll all be in heaven.

Imagine watching it live. I’m glad I wasn’t at the Moda Center, cuz sitting like 10 miles away watching on TV was bad enough.

The thing about JLP is that it was written in a rush of alleged inspiration by Morissette and Glen Ballard, so of course the lyrics read like first draft 9th grade poetry...because it basically is rushed 9th grade poetry.

Oh, also, two of the roommates were named Larry and Daryl. I really wanted to get a cat and name it Daryl as well.

I once lived in a house with 4 other people. It was supposed to be 3, but the lady who was supposed to move out when I moved in...didn’t. The personnel involved:

The Blockbuster (BBV) in my hometown was shite, and I only rented there because I was an employee for a few summers in college. I used up my 10 freebies a week on new releases for my parents and encouraged everyone who shopped with us to go down the road to the much cheaper rental shop.

Further proof that Brandon Nimmo is a reincarnated golden retriever.

My first “job,” starting around age 13, was volunteering to take dictation for a local columnist with MS. I got to work with Claudia Driscoll until I went to college, and she was a delightful person who taught me a ton about writing and humor. She passed away just last year after decades of dealing with the disease,…

Yeah, time does slow down when you’re starving.

When I eat Cheerios, and only Cheerios, the last spoonful has to consist of

How the fuck is PASCO the best airport in that situation?

I like how AI also can’t figure out commas.