Why do people do this to their children?

You are UNNECESSARY!

Of course everything must be real, important and true. Otherwise why would it be on the internet?!

Everybody knows Barbie does not eat (she sucks) but she does not eat!

We have proof positive that she is stupid, but what proof do we actually have that she is even human?

Marry, Kill, Venerate, Kill.

Dalai is stymied by the realization that he is holding hands with an ugly guy instead of the lovely Lupita; something is surly amiss in the universe.

Voldemort is under that hat.

Paula, Paula, Paula...god love you girl, god love ya!

I wonder if she still has to get an episiotomy, or do they just install a zipper after the fifth one?

Actually, the thought that springs to mind when I see her is "brood-mare."

I think she is genuinely happy being a brood•mare for the LDS; good for her!

Is it just me, or do these guys all look like pimps?

The only problem is that it is surrounded by Texas.

There is no reason to go to Texas, EVER — it's STILL full of Texans!

"inequality can find no refuge in our United States Constitution," those words a music to my heart.

1. Your happiness MUST come first.

You forgot my favorites (Required for the completion of any degree):

Unless you a notorious womanizer, and all around asshole, I'm afraid your cause is lost.

She is STILL as dumb today as she was yesterday; I guess there is no help for the stupid.