two reasons your post is wrong. Firstly, what fun is there in picturing a delicate wee daxie being ridden by randy pittbull? That's doggie hateporn, and once you start down that road you are wanting to see Alsatian on chihuahua action etc etc.

Every Dachshund that I have ever been around was mean as fuck. So on top of that you add Pit Bull blood to the mix along with the emotional damage that comes from being a rape baby? That dog is going to be a killing machine.

I'm just picturing a dachshund mounting a pittbull.

HOW DO IT WALK

Looks just like Milo in THE MASK after he puts the mask on

It's a dachsund...they are stubborn as shit and have the personality of coked-up Belichick.

So right after a shitty break up this summer I hit up an old booty call from OKCupid. He was really cool, but the sex. Oh god.

One of my uncles and his wife are crazy hardcore dog people, and they have professional portraits taken of them and the dogs, and sometimes just the dogs, on a regular basis. Not sure if this is within the spectrum of normal, but I have definitely witnessed it among serious dog lovers.

I won't reveal my most embarrassing person but I will reveal a hilarious one!

Post soul-crushing breakup, I briefly went out with a bald wannabe white rapper with a "home recording studio" in his closet and zebra print bedding. What's worse is that he was, well, a bit overweight and if he was on top when we had sex, not only would I feel like I was being crushed under his weight, but he would…

the guy who worked at an electronics store. His name was Eric Johnson but went by Lance at work. He said there was another Eric there and they couldn't have two, so he chose Lance. Lance Johnson. My friends and I referred to him as Penis Penis.

If your kids are using cute toothbrushes (useless for adults, by the way—I bought a singing Little Mermaid one and it did nothing for me)

I'm just here to make sure my name, or likeness, doesn't show up.

Oh, you mean like this?

I found this on one of my amazon searches...what a good idea.

Ha! My husband never fails to pick mine up — microphone style — and say, "Hey, good lookin'! We'll be back to pick you up later!"

My kid thinks my Magic Wand is an oversized microphone. Mamma needs to practice her karaoke. A lot.

Also, in all fairness to Target, I think one of those vibrating cartoon toothbrushes gave me my first orgasm.