Speaking of gambling, I need to catch up on what the NBA referees have been up to this season.

This should put to rest those "Jay Mariotti is gay" rumors.

Before I saw this ad, I didn't know that Tim Tebow was mentally disabled.

Maybe that article wasn't so great, but last night's ESPN crew covering Lakers-Nuggets told me about some great Kobe Nike shoes I should buy.

Stop complaining and give us Adrian Peterson already. The Patriots need a running back.

He also has a good shot at the AIDS Hall of Fame.

I prefer Kobe and LeBron puppets gloating over committing arson.

Who knew a column starting with "I do not know if what I'm about to write makes me a monster" wouldn't go over well? I liked the part where Shirley called for a Haitian Inquisition asking the Haitians why they were so poor in the first place.

TMZ Sports should refer to their material as Deadspin-ish

Whoa, fancy chart there. Some of the cans are taller than the other cans.

Why stop there? Players should meet the ideological purity test before being offered a scholarship, and ND should only schedule opponents whose school presidents are pro-life.

The horse had a better season than the Patriots.

@tim_lincecum_dumpster: With the existence of Twitter, why wait until Friday?

We're also fairly certain that punching your wife is allowed in Texas.

I had good years when I didn't take any, and I fraudulently broke records when I took steroids.

The Eagles need a quarterback who cares that his coach is a moron in close games and short yardage situations, a quarterback who will call his own plays and ignore the coach - they obviously need Brett Favre.

Then when the MLB/Nippon series is decided, the Cubans can sit back and say, "no problem, we could beat those guys."

@Joakim Noah's Ark: Either that, or Andy Reid's. The guy's job security is fueled by embarrassing playoff failures like this.

This is nothing to be ashamed of, it's way better than appearing in Hanes commercials with Kevin Bacon and Charlie Sheen.

Rhode Island has one of the highest unemployment rates in the nation, and it's because they're always cracking down on indoor prostitutes and Guatamalan snow shovelers.