uhhhhh.... second to last thing: is... is that a real thing? like am i a mega-prude or something for never hearing about this? because oh lord

good place to bring up my favorite head-canon: cubone is an orphaned kangaskhan, and without its mother it can’t fully grow into a new kangaskhan and becomes marowak instead. otherwise, there’s an ENTIRE SPECIES OF ORPHANS WHICH IS SO SAD

assuming Glorpman’s is the same condition the last lady has as well.

are... are you my older sister?

also it’s a BASS! (as a bass player it’s so rare to find a character that actually plays bass i love it)

Aziz did a bit about Ja and then had to do another bit that was just ‘here’s who Ja Rule is, youngsters, he’s the guy that would yell ‘WHATS MAH MOTHERFUCKIN NAAAAAAAAME’ underneath women with beautiful voices’

is mario party with amiibos just like... a regular board game?

I live in DC, when I need to fly I just take the metro to my parents’ and they drive me to Dulles. WAY easier than BWI and DCA is a clusterfuck.

i guess at least they didn't do... brownface? i dunno this is pretty fucking stupid. that being said, camels are pretty rad

The way to really win with the ticket system is to get like... a million of something cheap. In HS we went to some arcade on the boardwalk in Rehoboth and got a couple hundred of the 5 ticket dinosaurs, then scattered them all over this kid's lawn it was mean but great.

I went to chuck e. cheese (it might have been JEEPERS or some other ripoff place) for my older sister's birthday when I was probably seven or eight and I did, in fact, somehow win the jackpot on that bizarre 'roll a token into a dump truck' game. The machine fed me tickets for (what felt like) fifteen straight…

one of my friends from Pittsburgh asked where the closest Quaker Steak and Lube was (we're in DC/I grew up in MD and never heard of this weird place), I thought they wanted like... a mechanic or something. Seriously one of the least intuitive names for a restaurant I've heard.

do all PIR hosts have to have alliterative names?

I always had to bleach my hair before going for bright colors, I would never in a million years apply that shit downstairs

oh yeah that's true! whatever, super cute dancing crab!

re: dead claw: looks like a fiddler crab? they have one giant claw and one little one I remember learning why this was in 10th grade science but... you know how that goes.

My impression of 'soft drink' was just any drink that doesn't have booze in it. Like... snapple is a soft drink.

also: Ash is a fucking moron.

not trying to be an apologist, but has he been convicted yet? i mean i guess he's famous enough that regardless of his guilt he'll probably be fine sigh

Bread and Lemons: also food? so... people like how food smells, got it.