Famous for being famous is somehow a very marketable skill. Though an utterly useless one that will not serve in the post apocalyptic days Trump may bring.

These people are too stupid to deserve $200K in jewels.

It’s been like two decades, and I still can’t decide if Angelina Jolie is some wonderful old-school Hollywood ineffable magic, or just utterly, utterly, awful.

I read that headline as “Kendall Jenner Got Robbed of $200k By Jewel” and got irrationally excited.

I’ll take the two lines and a foot job

“Hey man, that’s enough to take a night off from Uber this week. Nice!” - Chad Henne, probably.

Bystander: “But Gronk, your math adds up to 70, not—”

This is a good joke until you realize there is not a chance in hell gronk could do that math. Edit: and then I realize that it adds up to $70, so the joke is actually perfect.

So many aspects to this joke... aimed for 69 and missed? But let’s be real, he woulda’ve aimed for 69.69

Don’t forget both better and cheaper. He promised an Obamacare replacement that was better and cheaper and that would be delivered very quickly. The guy was allegedly a CEO and has no concept of the project management triangle. You can only pick two, you orange con man.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed with the absurdity. A bunch of parasites evolve from the ocean and subsist on this blue and green space-floating sphere. As though the destruction of the (planetary) host were not enough, we then decide to turn on each other. For no reason at all. We create random borders which we label as…

You would totally think so, but Dallas is actually pretty cool, while spending any time in Illinois outside of Champaign or Chicago is basically killing yourself slowly.

Ah, yes the “Ezekiel Elliot clause.”

He finished almost all of his sentences and didn’t ask the members of the audience to punch each other! SO PRESIDENTIAL!

I was so happy when I saw this. Let us hope France also has a moment of clarity.

This is somewhat related, and extremely important.

Federal Judge in HAWAII....

“I’m starting to think that Stephen Miller is not the brilliant tactician we thought he was...”

That’s his goal.

The silver lining, I suppose, it that we would get to see Ted ‘originalist’ Cruz do a contortionist routine try to explain why the founding fathers would have totally wanted this...