I have a picture of myself at that exact point!

We noped out of that final ascent up Angel’s Landing. It had been raining and the rocks were pretty slick, plus 7 people had died in the park from flash floods the day before and we didn’t want to be added to the list!

We are self-employed and pay for our own insurance which has ZERO prescription drug coverage. Everything we pay for health care comes out of pocket to meet our ridiculously high deductible. We have to pay full price for our daughter’s EpiPens.

All I know is that I can haul ass in my Odyssey.

This woman is mesmerizing, and I think she is hands-down the best actor in this series.

She is perfect. And I don’t even hate her for it!

My husband can’t stand to watch him because he thinks his tongue is too big for his mouth.

Your dad is a total badass. And I’m guessing he is very proud of you too.

Howie Mandel has never, ever been funny. Even when he was stretching latex gloves over his head and blowing them up with his nose he wasn’t funny. I have always been unreasonably pissed off by his success.

WORD.

I know! I was a teenager in the 90s and I loved those ads, but unfortunately also looked terrible in Benetton clothing.

Whoa! Cutely progressive ad from the early 90s!

This is basically my life too, minus that no drinking bullshit. I have 3 kids under the age of 10 so red wine is part of my daily diet. But hey, it’s got antioxidents and resveratrol, so there’s that.

YAS.

Goddamn does that look like an uncomfortable maternity dress. I mean, I didn’t shy away from form-fitting style during my 3 pregnancies, but a bondage dress is pushing the limits a little bit. Hoping she spent 2 minutes in that dress to take the photo then promptly changed to sweatpants like a normal person.

I played keeper for years and it is without a doubt the worst position to play because when everybody else fucks up on the field, they usually have a few other people to scramble around to try to fix it. If the keeper fucks up, the team is fucked. I now reside in the midfield where I can happily run about, feed the…

I dunno, it was one of the few times I sort of enjoyed her performance? I really don’t like her, but I actually bought her performance in this. It is hella boring though.

I will probably get flamed for this, but the protagonist was a lush and sort of a shell of herself. Emily Blunt, no matter how much you try to downplay her beauty, doesn’t really look like the bloated, raging alcoholic she needs to be for this role. Then there’s the whole non-English thing that is beyond obvious.

Godspeed ladies! Fun fact: my illustrator husband drew the elephant on the convention logo, so we got our piece of that sweet Koch brother cash.

The worst part is that the terrible writing reads exactly like a press release. Shit, as a former PR professional, I have written about grocery store grand re-openings that were more entertaining than this tripe.