She looks like pretty much every baby-sitter I’ve got.

Goddamn, I want to high-five the straw lady over and over again! She didn’t lose her shit on the delivery guy, who was just doing his job and following the stupidass policy. She is respectful and tips him well then proceeds to drive to the restaurant to throw an epic hissy fit for the manager. That is one badass,…

My husband and I never sleep together. He’s got a demanding job that he’s up for each morning at 5:30, snores like a freight train, and we’ve got little kids who I bed-hop with every night. When we went on a week-long vacation a month ago by ourselves, I requested 2 queen beds so we could both stretch out, alone.…

I remember when my dad, who was then in his 40s, saw this video on MTV when I was watching it probably 30 years ago and was pissy about the fact that Belinda had gone from a chin length blonde bob (Mad About You video) to the longer reddish hair with bangs. He hated it. My father has literally zero interest in women’s…

THANK YOU. This pisses me off to no end! Where are the Cruz birthers??

In my 8th grade speech class, we had to do a demo and walk people through a task. I decided to demonstrate how to shave your legs. I had a bucket of water, shaving cream, razor, towel - the works! I really wanted to do something that had never been done - ever - in that class, and walked out with an A. Looking back, I…

When my sister and her husband were engaged, she accidentally washed and dried one of his ferrets along with his bed sheets.

Kim is doing that pregnancy pose that I always did where you grab who’s ever nearest (usually the husband) and hide a big chunk of your body (but not your head!) behind it. I guess we have something in common?

WTF are you going on about? That isn’t the plot line for Terms of Endearment at all. Debra Winger has terminal breast cancer, Shirley Maclaine has sex with Jack Nicholson. What’s not to love?

I have an iPod nano that I think is 4th generation which I got in 2009, and I freaking love it. I teach spin classes and keep all of my playlists on it. The navigation is super easy and I know some instructors who use their phones that have had issues with their music stopping or restarting when they receive calls or…

They are singlehandedly responsible for elevating a mediocre song into a video I enjoyed sitting through. Gave me all the early 90s hip hop feels I miss from my youth!

Yeah, I am completely baffled by what the endgame for her was with this travesty.

I have always been easily irritated by Jewel, but when this shit came out, it sparked a whole new level of fury upon this bitch. What the fuck is this? A long-form commercial for razors? A pathetic attempt to change her image from coffee house poet to sexxxy songbird? Whatever it was, it sucked balls. It was really…

Figures. I live in Nebraska and I am still in disbelief that that Yertle the Turtle fuckface Pete Ricketts was elected governor.

YEAH THEY ARE. My 75 year old neighbor makes disgusting comments about my body to me all the time and I think he feels like he’s complimenting me. His constant leering during my last pregnancy and remarks about how “some guys are really into that” took the cake though.

I have been becoming grizzled and cynical as shit, and even though I know this church group’s motivations are just to get clicks, I am still such a crybaby. I got legit choked up at her reaction. Is there a word that I didn’t learn through 3 years of college German that can express what I am feeling now?

My mom is a Jane and my aunts and their husbands still call her Janie. I think it is adorable!

That’s what I’m doing 10 years later. It’s not that I don’t want to have a plan for my dress, it’s just what happened. I have zero expectations that either of my girls will want to wear it. Am leaning toward donation after I have one last chance to just wear around the house for shits and giggles while I drink wine.

Don’t forget our beach bodies!!

Jesus, how much makeup is Ben wearing in that picture?? I spy spray tan, foundation, and eyeliner.