Christ, those headlines read like Donald Trump tweets.

Laugh it up, Petchesky. Some people said I’d never make it with the name “chid,” and look at me now! Plenty of free time, sleeping rent-free on a queen Aerobed in a 1,000 sq. foot basement, getting tens of Kinja stars a day!

I’M A MONSTER!!!

“The fact that people are saying we lied about (Johnny Manziel’s) concussion is false’’

This will go nicely with my white power tie!

Look, I know he’s going through a tough time, but Ragnar really needs to get it together and act like a professional.

Baker was so unaware of the alleged Chapman incident that he wrapped up his press conference by announcing that if no one had any more questions, he would be leaving in order to make it on time to tonight’s John Lennon concert.

Well now it’s a big story.

Man, there are scenes in that trailer where if you removed the goofy-looking dinosaur, I’m really not sure I’d have realized they were CG. The lighting and water effects are amazing.

“Because I forgot I wasn’t in college” was the same excuse I tried on my wife after my most recent drank bourbon from-5pm til 2 am-and forgot to eat dinner style bender. I graduated 20 years ago; it didn’t fly.

My husband, who is a Patriots fan ( I know, gross), and I argued about this call for like 15 minutes after the game was over. He kept defending the official and saying it was a good call. Leave it to a team of cheaters to think crappy officiating that goes their way is a good thing.

Personally I don’t find missed layups that arousing, but who am I to judge? You do you, OBG.

I’m at a floss for words.

If the Army is paying this much for a flag ceremony, I’m terrified to think about what they pay for other shit. “Hey guys, why don’t you build a submarine for us and then we’ll also pay you to rent that submarine? And then you can fuck our wives. HERE’S FIVE TRILLION DOLLARS THANKS.”

“I’m not a guy who spreads it wide.”

Hell yeah. I’m all about Gunderson for MVP

These are the precious moments they’ll never remember