I hope more than anything ever in my life that she was paid to be there. Not only because that means Trump has to pay people to make him look like he has diverse support but also because she was paid to give zero fucks and read her book. Can she start a book club? Can we pay her to sit and read during all the GOP…

I used to be in the Ewan McGregor fanclub. Then he went and made movies with both Roman Polanski and Woody Allen. Dude, you have 4 daughters.

“Make Her Believe She Doesn’t Have a Choice” ... because of the implication?

#TeamPuppy, all the way.

“If you do it enough,” Dorner informs his classmates (many giggling with discomfort), “she’ll subconsciously think she has no choice.”

I’m sure the blowup doll would agree with you but it can’t speak, which is why it couldn’t object to being part of this shit show.

No choice? We women call that rape. Or the GOP.

“Soup de Jour is just code for soup of the day.” Code. Code.

My Uber driver the other night, noticing that i was going home from the bars by myself, tried to convince me to go buy a book online that would teach me how to get any women to sleep with me.

I gave him and his stupid fucking newsboy cap 1 star.

Blue is the new orange.

So, hire a beautiful Latina global star; get her a black partner; have the black partner accidentally shoot an unarmed black man. Beautiful global Latina covers it up. Let’s see... all minorities here. And all the writers I am guessing.... are white men? This is just fucking crazy.. but like you say, par for the…

I’m so jealous. Both my parents have curly hair an mine is flat-as-a-board.

Remember kids: Black Lives Matter is a bunch of whiners who are looking for reasons to be offended. The real oppression is a lack of Christmas iconography on your coffee cups.

Dear Melissa McCarthy:

She should have lined a litter box with it. That would be a real “Fuck You”.

Samoas are garbage food. I wouldn’t feed a Samoa to a Weasley and they’re a family of garbage people.

She was a pretty awesome guidance counselor. I was very much a Kristy type, if you read the character as being a total baby dyke in love with her nerdy best friend. Because I was a total baby dyke with a crush on my guidance counselor.

Not to brag or anything, but my dog already has her own REAL fur jacket.