Know what's best for them? Yeah. Parents never break dreams or do things just because that is how it was done to them.

If he’s tried the sprouts and knows he doesn’t like them, he shouldn’t have to eat all of them. Let the poor kid have a little bodily autonomy. The trick to getting kids to try knew foods is to continuously offer them in low-pressure settings. Being a drill sergeant about it is just gonna make everyone dread mealtime.…

Nah, sorry, that’s bullshit. As evidence, see: the fact that my parents did this, and look at MY weird-ass relationship to food. So unless you’re aiming your kid very specifically at becoming a food blogger who gets paid to write about how pancakes taste like nihilism, this isn’t really the way to go.

Roommate was a total dipshit. He even insisted that my packaged food not touch his packaged food in the cupboards. I once came home to a passive-agressive note on the fridge chastising me for letting my pack of nori sit next to his box of mac & cheese.

I remember asking my mom the same thing, and her answer was that when I was an adult, I could eat or not eat whatever I wanted, but as long as I was a kid, I had to eat what I was given. It wasn’t my money spent on that food, so I shouldn’t complain. I was a very picky eater, though I’m not anymore. The freedom to…

CREAMED SPINACH IS THE FUCKING DEVIL

I’m on record as saying there’s a place in the discussion for people with all levels of food preferences, but now I see that no, there is not. For these specific people—the people who as adults (OSTENSIBLY) will only eat chicken nuggets and pizza—they are not allowed to take part in any conversation about food. Adults…

...and this is why I have a dog. That would drive me bananas.

I’m always curious about these types because I’ve inadvertently become one. Here are the steps I took between being someone you can relate to and being this hyperproductive monster.

I don’t know how you can just block 3 specific hours of “family time” at the same time, every day. I don’t have kids and I don’t know if this guy does, but you can’t just refuse to spend any time with kids or a spouse until 7 PM.

I’ll wait 7 or 8 years before his book “Doing Nothing: How I Learned the Priceless Art of Relaxation After I Had to Spend 2 Years in Bed Due to a Mysterious Chronic Illness.”

It sounds like he doesn’t have a life as much as he creates one with hours and hours of busywork. I just can’t with people who are so smug about how they could never understand boredom, about how they’re always pushing themselves harder to succeed, and tend to view other people who don’t as lesser beings. It’s…

Well, fuck that. *reaches for TV remote*

Obligatory:

My takeaway from this list is: shit, I’m old.

The issue is that people like your mother are very good at manipulating the situation. Know that what you experienced is real and your mother is responsible for her behavior. Good luck.

YOU ARE NOT! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL AND LOVED.

I was adopted as a baby, and emancipated at 14 from my second family for these reasons. I find this time of year especially hard and it’s always good to know I am not alone in this.

Also, Jeb