Genesis 2:2

Hey Aubrey, if the earth is only 6,000 years old, then how do you explain the existence of Jamie Moyer?

Denying evolution is almost quaint and nostalgic in this era of Trumpian malaise.

I had no idea Mexico City was that elevated! Thank you for teaching me something new!

Go to better restaurants.

Huh. What were the odds that Brett Favre was going to put his money into a drug designed to REDUCE swelling?

Here’s Eli holding a tiny bucket.

If only he had millions of dollars to fall back on

The thing I remember about Halladay is that he worked so FAST. Saw him pitch at Fenway about 10 years ago, the game was over in 2:18. He pounded pounded pounded the strike zone, and he hurried up about it.

I’m 25 now. The prime of my hero-having, baseball watching years were 2000 to 2010 - commonly known as the shittiest fucking time to be a Bluejays fan. I did my best to see Halladay pitch every fifth day because you knew there was a chance it was going to be special, even when Frank Catalanotto was batting clean up.…

Halladay was one of those guys who had the throwback asthetics without the faux-toughness and bitching about how things aren’t like they used to be. He just went out and fucking dominated, then got on with the rest of his life until he went back out five days later and did it again. Man, he was good.

I had a Dad Vader with a very small Leia this year and it was awesome.

The War on Whatever the Fuck It Is

Cotton-Eye Joe. (You hear me, Colorado Avalanche? Fuck this song, fuck you for playing it, and fuck Joe Sakic with the giant turd from the poop letter this week.)

Dude, you went full bodysuit for Trick or Treating with the kids? You deserve what you get. Trick or Treat is for the kids, so you should be background noise at best. Maybe a set of animal ears for the ladies or a goofy hat and wig for the guys. That’s it. Anything else is just one step short of full-blown…

6 flags per team per game on average? Shit, man, these days it feels like 6 flags per drive on anything other than a 3 & out.

“Happy whatever the fuck it is” will now be my go-to holiday greeting.

It’s always the Greggs with the extra G that are trouble, man.

“Flags. I fucking hate flags. You fucking hate flags. Everyone fucking hates flags.”

I’m gonna regret saying this, but sometimes Andy Reid is a truly fantastic play-caller.