Silly kel, didn't you know that regulation is the enemy of capitalism because reasons?

That's what frustrates me about time-saving food: it is nothing you'd want in your body.

Obviously. Playing saxophone on TV that one time cleaned his assault-and-maybe-rape record.

Especially since she's the only tarnish on his otherwise clean-of-sexual-assault-and-harrassment-charges record.

Clearly Monica, a intern in her young 20s, was a predator against literally the most powerful man in the world. Isn't he the real victim here?

I read an article [citation needed I'll try to find it ETA: It's the one Callie linked! Read it yall!] that said, for as much as the speech patterns of teen girls have been mocked throughout every iteration, speech patterns originated by and associated with teen girls ALWAYS get incorporated into general speech…

Dear Children,

I tell my now dwindling numbers of childless friends not to have kids so I can still enjoy their friendship. I don't mind my pain in the ass kids, its all the other fucking parents I have to deal with. The worst are the newbie parents judging me, fuck you, I've been doing this for 15 years, I don't care what your…

Haha! A roommate I had in college and for my first year out of college was a huge pathological liar. It became too much and I had to end the friendship and move out, but here were some of my favorites from her:

My parents separated when I was 8. My mom moved out, leaving me with my dad. She got an apartment and set about...inventing a fake boyfriend. See, she left my dad for a coworker, and everyone and their dog knew she had been having an affair. They weren't subtle. Even I had picked up on the whispers and I was in…

I had a friend who pretended to be a Russian exchange student for a year. Not in general just to like one girl. Who somehow swallowed that.

I got lucky she never actually found my cigarettes.

I did the "THESE ARE MY FRIEND'S CIGARETTES" one when I was 18. My mom was like :-|

My ex husband, who failed 11 court ordered drug tests in a row: "I removed all of the money from the kids' savings accounts (in $100 cash withdrawals at a time) to protect it from you."

When I was online dating, one time, a guy contacted me but his profile didn't have any clear photos of his face (all of them were from a distance or showed his back or didn't have him in it.) So I asked for a face picture and he finally said ok and sent me one. Of Clive Owen. I asked if this was a joke and he said no.…

In 6th grade my Social Studies teacher told me that Russia was a communist country (this was in 1997). I corrected her; she told me I was wrong.

Mom: "Why do you smell like smoke?"

Racism is no longer a factor in America!

I know. Listening to my nanny-kids describe their dreams is an unselfish act of love, because it is convoluted and boring as hell. There's never a point and ALWAYS at least one ninja, dragon, or shoot-out. You'd think it'd be interesting!