It won trophies! Trophies, people! That's an award-winning pile of ridiculous crap!

Spinelli, check it out. I looked into my crystal ball and was able to determine the 2013 Car of the Year.

So, wait. Hyundai has the Genesis, the Azera AND the Equus? Why do they need three big sedans to slot above the Sonata?

Bee Are Zee, Ess Tee Eye. It just rolls of the tongue, doesn't it?

New for 2013, the Ford Mustang Shelby GT500; with a top speed of 202 mph. It's only available in Blue Balls Blue, because you commoners will never find a place to open it up and actually get to 202.

Fast car slow? You didn’t know?

Slow car fast, slow car fast

That's right chaps, this is the fastest car you will ever see in your life! Mark my words, this mechanical marvel I've created is faster than any you've seen before or will see again. It's going to take me to speeds you've only dreamed about. Cast your believing eyes upon this road and watch the most amazing feat you…

Around here it's:

NP.

Blind spot information system? I have one in every car I drive, it's called Looking Over My Shoulder.

If the constable interrupted the act, it didn't have a happy ending by definition.

What to do when a traffic light is "out" and what constitutes it being out. When a traffic light stops functioning, meaning no lights are lighting up at all, you're supposed to treat the intersection as a four-way stop. Often, when there's a power outage, a light will be flashing red in one direction and yellow in…

Sure, if you don't mind waiting 10 minutes for each item to load up.

So is Sheepo a professional?

599 x 1,000 = 600

Never before has this image been more appropriate. NP

Did someone say my name?

All you mofos who complain that Jalopnik just regurgitates stuff they found off the web can suck it!

So the Corvette now has Camaro-esque taillights, great. Forgetting for a second that they they just look dumb, Chevy is throwing out decades of brand equity along with the round ones.