No one who has appeared in an episode of “Mad About You” can make it into the Hall of Fame. Little known fact.

All I think about is training. I want to train so hard that police have to arrest me when I lift weights because when I lift them I throw them into space and that is theft or at least destruction of property in many many states but my defense attorney also trains extremely hard so I usually get out of the charges and…

It makes me anxious for you that you put a screenshot of your work email up.

Nothing witty, I just hope he fucking dies.

but the main thing I want to draw attention to, here, is Parker’s legs. Look how much of them he’s got!

This should really set the standard for any more boat takes this season. Any article should contain a minimum of five puns about boats, sailing, etc.

Trump hasn’t even been inaugurated yet, and already the peasantry is being forced to entertain the plutocracy in order to obtain their very sustenance.

Thursday night football, now on Saturday afternoon!

Never ever splash your private matters all over the Internet. Keep them in the locker room where they can be covered up unless one of those perverted lady reporters sees it and then what will we have it’s just not right I have nothing against the girls and the girl said you’re right about that I feel nothing against…

Other than Ozil, of course. I wonder if Haisley would’ve written the same thing about Crespo or Trezeguet. Or, like, too Latin. Too much melanin. Hmm.

I assume the back surgery is an exploratory procedure in which they’ll be looking for something resembling a spine.  

“You don’t need to teach out in the public all the time.”

do you mean three games at the Euros where Roy fucking Hodgson was making him take corners? He’s not even 25 yet.

I’m sure Habs fans will do something special, Barry.

Sure, Harper’s Spud Webb impression was impressive, but Johnson’s Hank Gathers one was even better.

Contrary to popular belief, one does not need to be in a constant state of stress and anxiety in order to perform well, either in sports or anything else. In fact, the opposite is true. Rest and relaxation are vital to training and performing well in any task.

Speaking of Brady, don’t you think gronk would be on that boat? And you you damn well he wouldn’t care how his teammates spend a day off. For crying out loud, max McGee scored the winning td in the first super bowl hung over as shit.

Apropos: