As in all things, Messi is no Zidane.

“I always destroy my old cell phones.”

It was so exciting. I wanted to throw up. I’m just so proud of him.

Football Manager is like that but with real life people who never made it as far as in the game. I can mention Mbo Mpenza or Ibrahima Bakayako and ten people will tell me how they were amazing for their team in 97/8.

I appreciate Steua setting two separate records for Champions League futility four centuries apart.

Doing it the Write-off Way.

Ciara wishes this headline was one letter different.

Andrew Luck is going to be the richest athlete ever. His salary won’t even include all that extra cash he makes by charging people to cross the bridge he lives under.

Good news Jet fans! You now get to see Brady win in New York on a weekday!

Or .13 kilometers.

Hottest take of the thread.

I’d do him. I’ll shave halfway and we can meet (and do other things) in the middle, if ya know what I’m sayin’.

What's truly amazing is that his knee didn't explode into a thousand pieces.

“I’m so sick of this fu——- bu——— you c—-.”

I liked this movie better when it was an episode of Futurama.

You don’t know how currency exchanges and rates work, do you?

The lowest point of his life was in January 2008.

I can’t even get to the part where I’m annoyed about this blatant misogyny because I’m annoyed by the fact that they think “Day Without Sports” is a thing.

We were playing water polo in gym class back in high school when the star swimmer/water polo player decided instead of just owning all of us in his sport, he would just swim around the deep end being a dick.

Is that not the plot for Grownups 3?