Haiku:

My ex-wife had me rearrange bedroom furniture late at night. I had to work early in the morning, it was a Saturday so I was getting clothes in the dark so I wouldn't wake her. I slammed my right eyesocket into the corner of a dresser that I'd moved there about eight hours ago. No serious blood, but a nice black eye,…

And on a quiet night, you can still hear the rasping of the tongue crawling through the racks...

I'd guess he's still in a celebrity bubble. He probably has handlers who filter and throw out 999 pieces of hate mail and give him the one in a thousand supporting letter. He has co-conspirators/ handlers who supplied him with roofies or whatever he's using on women, lawyers when one of the survivors of his attacks…

Craigslist kind of does it to themselves:

In the restraints, suspended from a cord, next to the Gimp.

Stephen Colbert is sighing to himself somewhere.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I've liked a lot of recipes from The Vegetarian Epicure by Anna Thomas, especially her soups. She has a good handle on meatless savory soups. http://www.vegetarianepicure.com/

You sure? Not easy being green.

As a guy in a long term relationship with a woman who's in a long term with her bike, I can authoritatively say he's a clueless idiot.

The average age of a Fox News watcher is 68, so you're probably right. An even worse market for this book would be Fox watching MILs to give to unsuspecting daughter-in-laws.

My power of Anosmia make me immune to your schemes, Captain Killjoy.

Sometimes when I'm watching a movie and they're establishing a villain's character, there's disbelief, as you don't that there are people out there who can really be thought of as being over the top super villains. Then you come across a shit like this. Holy poopnoodles indeed.

Sour grapes. Generally unhappiness in being unable to obtain or maintain a relationship. Rather than come to grips that there could be something defective about his character, it's more comforting for him to assume that there's something defective in all women.

A friend transitioned after college, and the shocking physical change was that afterwards, she had a huge smile. Her parents were more like Leelah than you. As far as I know, none of us had any idea she was trans, and no one knew why she was so sad.

If you lack knowledge about something, it's good to express your ignorance, but in the future you should do so in a inoffensive manner. The things your brain is apparently not seeing is a talent for costume, lighting, makeup, photography and using expression and stance in a static form to convey a dynamic image, and…

You have to be careful with concentrating meals like that, they always goes wrong when it comes to the desserts:

Nobody's forgotten stupid helmet day. A man with undeserved military garb just looks likes an idiot.

Though if the naked twin gets recognized, she could always pretend she was the wife who was cheated on. Husband is a SOOL.

I think he's referencing this 3D classic, from SCTV: