Cooks, while not stoned, will often get burns, cuts and scalds. Seems pretty irresponsible.

Guess he's never seen a twerking video.

His poor parents.

Hope his job duties don't require him to deal with anything flammable at his oilfield.

I think it's just a a culture clash. It's sort of like going into an upscale wine store and asking for grape flavored wine. I'm neither a coffee nor a wine snob, but if someone is taking their shtick very seriously, I'm not going to demand they dumb it down for me, when acceptable cheap coffee is universally…

I think his name was Howie. Friend has long since (almost three decades ago) upgraded to a husband who seems nicer in every way.

Had a friend whose boyfriend did the eat half a meal thing, then demanded a second dish in a Chinese takeout place as a replacement as the first was defective. His reasoning was that the dish had been prepared differently when he'd had it in a different restaurant. He threatened to call the Better Business Bureau. …

He can control the hemoglobin in his abs to give himself a sixpack.

Captain America, though it was during wartime.

I love the idea that you wobble slightly between parallel dimensions, and you have to check wikipedia to see if you're in the reality where narwhals are real, the one where unicorns are real, the fun one where they both are, or the dingy place where none of it is true.

My pumpkin pie kills fascists. Made from the bones of jacko'lantern, scratch crust and spiciness. It evaporates at parties.

He had the option of being a local skeevy criminal. But then he made up the story about the chickens. Now he is world famous, has exposed himself to fowl humour, and will be known for all eternity as the Alleged Chicken Peeper.

Thank you for a fluffy chicken break in the middle of story about someone awful. I'm sure you have cleansed many people's souls.

Nacho cheese flavoring? Doritos crumbs?

My Grandmother (who'd lived through the Depression) would put all the crackers and all the bread in a basket in her purse, as she insisted it was wrong for them to serve it to two different parties.

Maybe this is actually a ghost story, and this waiter is a doomed soul providing racism and poor service and never receiving a tip, one night out of the year, for Eternity.

Needs more chicken singing. Youtube has failed me, unable to find a chicken singing version of the funeral march, though I know I've heard one.

Maybe it's simpler, maybe she knew from experience that he's a violent psychopath that no one would ever believe was a violent psychopath. And he might have convinced her that if she told what she thought she knew, he'd kill her.