Tutorials like that always make me feel like a garbage person. “Look how I make it look like hair! And I use 10 tools and it’s so perfect!” I’m over here with my brown and gray eyeshadow, brow gel, and a pretty crappy angle brush pretending like I know what’s what. It doesn’t look like hair when I do it.

I only fill mine in because they’re dark, but a little sparse and uneven. I way overplucked in the 90s (and I suspect a loooot of women are in that same boat now), so I also have a couple of bald spots that just don’t grow anymore. They just don’t look like much of anything when they’re not done, and like an actual…

My reaction to that:

His character deserves better. I haven’t read nearly all of Matt Fraction’s version of the comic, but what I have seen has been awesome. He’s so much more interesting than the MCU Clint. And I’ve seen Jeremy Renner be adorable and funny, so I know he could play that side, but the movies basically treat him as an extra…

There is no way I could wait 6 weeks. If my husband hadn’t wanted to go, I would’ve gone alone. Maybe you could see it twice?

Avengers. I bought tickets at the Movie Tavern with reserved seats so I can drink and eat cheese fries and watch my dream poly relationship and it’s gonna be SO FUCKING GREAT. I fully expect to spontaneously orgasm when Cap throws the bike. AND it even seems like Hawkeye, aka my favorite, might have more than two…

I’ve given up on that (though Friday’s 3 stroke method is the most helpful thing I’ve found). Now I just use pointy q-tips to clean around the edges a bit. I want to get a very small, slightly stiff brush, because it seems like that would be a little easier to use but I’m also super lazy and never actually buy one.

True story, any time I scream (“argh!” scream not “fucking shit, a serial killer!” scream), my husband asks if I’m on Jezebel again. Every fucking time.

I was a late bloomer, so my first realization of how awful men could be was through a friend. I was 15 and she was 13 and had probably a B/C cup. We were all old enough to be home during the summer while our parents were at work. A lot of people, including my parents, hired this house painter, so he was around our…

When I was in 6th grade, I was in a 5th/6th split. One of the 5th graders who was pretty and popular, made a comment about how “anyone who wears shorts and doesn’t shave their legs is so gross,” knowing full well that I hadn’t started shaving. I went home and shaved that night. I was too afraid to ask my mom for help,…

WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN AND WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME? Also why didn’t they invite me to participate?

I don’t understand why this is happening but I’m really pleased that it is for some reason.

That’s what the jeweler who made the ring said, too, but I’ve totally already dinged the shit out of my center stone in the last 2 1/2 years. But on the plus side, replacing it is hella cheap. Wooooo cheap stones.

One of my friends said she was going to stab the next person who asked her for raspberry ketones when that was big. I would never have made it in one of those jobs. I would’ve been fired for trying to teach people actual science.

Two things - is Josh Groban talking about his dog? Also, is he still dating Kat Dennings?

Even better (if you’re like me and “better” means “cheaper”) - green tourmaline. That’s what’s in my engagement ring and people think it’s either an emerald or a black diamond depending on the light. And I’m just excited that it probably cost $100.

See, I could handle the gorditas. I cannot handle being expected to drink Pepsi. I will not.

Nah, Pandora still has Taylor Swift, so it wasn’t even unique there.

See, and I feel like Pandora definitely knows my life. Like how it plays an Iron & Wine song, immediately followed by a Rage song and I’m like, “Yes I was feeling super mellow but now I’d like to rock.” Shuffling RATM, Lionel Richie, and Sara Bareilles stations is kind of the greatest thing. It pleases the ADD part of…

His gross beard is almost worse than the rat tail. It looks like it has mange, and I know for a fact he can grow a better one. I’ve seen it. Why is he doing this?