It might be fun to try and guess what I drive, but if you can’t be bothered then I drive an E30 in California.

I hope to have more of a buffer before hydroplaning or just losing traction with a tire that has better wet traction and better water channeling.

What tires? Rainy season is almost here and I need new tires, and am completely dissatisfied with the budget all seasons.

Maybe they needed a bigger crack pipe. A crack pole.

They were smoking something, and it wasn’t pole.

Because Florida.

What if you’re in the adult film industry?

Don’t kink shame me.

iTunes has always been hot garbage and they keep making it worse.

So I’ll lose flappy bird? A game I only hang onto because it’s unavailable, not because it’s good.

Looks like it was found in the missionary position.

I got ghost banned from Jezebel for saying this a decade ago.

Hell, this account is ghost banned too, so I’m just pissing into the wind.

My tummy.

My tummy.

Ok, where’s the 2017 list of sexy criminals?

Stunning

He was looking for the climbing beanstalk.

They’re really underrated, and oh so cool.

I wish he woulda speared him.