Meanwhile, [FIRE EMOJI]

Many bad things have happened this week. But we are awesome. Join me in sharing something you can do that is awesome. I can sing every word of No Diggity while writing out the Fibonacci Sequence. I didn’t know I could do that until Wednesday’s trivia night.

“we cannot allow items on campus that can be perceived to pose a threat.”

Even if you don’t think you care now, your thirties will be peppered with sober reflections on just how stupid you were in your twenties; with realizations that if you’d only realized how Things Actually Work, you could’ve really set yourself up better.

i had an aneurysm when Huckabee complained that we don’t cure diseases any more.

Look there are a lot of things I love Bernie for, but sir, I need you to buy a fucking tie and a suit that fits. Work with me here.

Graduate School of Business (GSB) is a hostile workplace riven by “personal agendas, favoritism, and fear.”

douchebag media bros who feel way too self-important in their wrinkled suit jackets

I get it. But these crimes were committed while he was a student and a member of that fraternity, right? That is relevant and I don’t know how they would fit that into a headline unless the headline was super long. I’m not disagreeing with you, I’m just wondering how they could have fit all the relevant information…

All those Republicans losing their minds about the threat of Sharia Law are the very same ones implementing it here.

Dating in D.C. is like the Hunger Games, but you don’t even get the fun of shooting a bow and arrow. It really is the worst.

Saw this yesterday and thoroughly enjoyed it. I keep asking people how this stunt is any different from that whole “Sharia Law” term that gets thrown about in horror by Christians. Isn’t that fear, in essence, a group of people holding the laws of their faith above the laws of the land?

And yet it was William McKinley’s next act — attempting to banish all the polar bears from Alaska — that caused the Bear Collective to send an assassin, in disguise, to shoot him.

Eleventy!!!!

Ark bumps into Australian shoreline.

I believe it is spelled nollege...

I can’t deal with the stupid. So Noah randomly decided to drop kangaroos and a lot of poisonous animals off in Australia because fuck Australia.

BUT ONLY WHEN YOU TRANSLATE IT TO KENYAN SWAHILI.

The only good thing McKinley gave us was Teddy Roosevelt.

ask those people if they knew who he was before last week