A little paint and polish and it's good to go.

I worked with a guy who owned a white van. There was a spike of reports of child luring using a white van and he didn't drive it for a week out of fear of being stopped by the police.

This one is OK, it's not white.

Whenever I get a new electronic device, I just turn it on and start pressing random buttons, that works much better than reading the manual.

They were on Say Yes to the Dress. The girls sat silently in the background while the father and oldest son critiqued the wedding dress that the mother chose. They kept calling for more "modesty".

Imagine this face orange, like a pumpkin.

No, I was always thin, vomited every SINGLE day of my pregnancy, spent the last two weeks before birth in the hospital because the baby was not gaining weight, she came out underweight, but thrived once she was out. I stayed the same basic weight until menopause and BOOM gained weight. One sister was like me, gave…

Wrong time of day. That scarecrow is going to be destroyed at 3AM.

Two months after giving birth, I was back to my original weight, 5'2, 107lbs, my mother told me I was fat because my breasts were bigger from nursing.

OK, I have personally given birth, but I threw up in my mouth a little bit reading this. Holy Moly, can you spell batshit crazy? Does she keep all the sperm that her husbands squirts out because they are/were potential kids?

On the second view, I noticed the tray, not so cute now. Just like humans, they must dance for their dinner.

edited out the "Humbug" at the end.

It's called capitalism. If you want to sell me a purse for $2500 and I want to buy it for that price, then everyone goes home happy. BTW, if I could afford one, I would buy a Coach purse in a heartbeat. Until then, anyone else with money is free to buy one.

I look at them and picture them naked or having sex. Usually I start laughing or gagging which gets rid of my anger. Try, next time someone pisses you off, look at them and imagine them with their clothes off.

I see no tongue on the pug or Barbie.

Binder clips because they come in different sizes and colours which makes organizing things even easier. White ones for food, red for clothes, black for books, blue for finance docs etc.

It is a chain of pain....I have a new phrase to throw around.

Malala Yousafzai is trying to open doors for girls so that they can have better lives based on their own choices and at the risk of her own life. Lila Rose, you...not so much.

This is where the dollar store candy comes into play. Those chewy candies wrapped in orange and black? Give them by the handfuls to the adult and un-costumed teens. Save the good stuff for the younger kids who will squeal in delight later that night when they are auditing their loot.

Friends were poor, they had a pot luck wedding. Just asked everyone to bring a favourite dish that would feed 5 or 6. I think that they invited around 40 people, they didn't try to organize it to make sure that it wasn't all potato salad. It was a true pot luck and it was good. It was a long, long time ago so I'm…