I was told the same thing in a self-defence class. Grab, squeeze and twist hard. Like you are screwing in a light bulb.

I lived on a military base in my younger days and we learned this lovely tune, The North Atlantic Squadron. These are some of the cleaner verses. It was an incredibly filthy song and we as kids sang it even though we had no idea what any of the lyrics meant.

I know! I wore it every single week. And I am dammed if I know what happened to it. One day it was just gone....just like the 80's

Everything was so baggy and loose then. I owned the same sweater as Princess Diana. It had rows of white sheep with one single black sheep. Mine was pink, I wish that I still had it.

At my kid's school there was a lunch table with extra/free lunches. Anyone could take something to eat from it, even if you had a lunch with you. The only rule was that if you took something, you had to eat it. No stigma, no shame, just food.

In Canada, we have $1 and $2 coins. When the loonies first came out a friend saved every single one that she got back in change. By Christmas time she had close to $800, her kids had a great Christmas. I save all of my change at the end of the day, its amazing how fast the jar can fill up. It was also scary how…

When I was chastised for hating the book, my response was cocaine is also popular but that doesn't mean it's good either.

I worked for a govt agency years ago and we were allowed a leeway of 10% over our quota to use at our discretion. The woman who called late Friday afternoon just before closing time and began by insulting me and demanding special treatment did not get anything extra. The next caller who remained calm and polite and…

I lived with 3 small very vocal chihuahuas with a strong sense of territory. As soon as someone came to the door and knocked, they were off. They barked at everything, the mailman, the kids waiting for the school bus, passing dogs and squirrels. They had a keen sense of when someone was even walking up the…

I know, let's do a domestic violence class! Paint on black eyes and bruises! Bonus points to anyone who can bring along a partner wearing a wife-beater (ha ha funny, get it?) to scream at them during the class about what a piece of shit that she is and how she deserves to be beat. Extra points for broken bones!

Gad, imagine those cats sitting on your chest in the morning demanding food, it's like a waking nightmare.

My cat used to leave the bottom half of mice beside my car door. If I didn't look before opening the car door I would step on it. Super, super gross. The same cat killed a snake and left it in front of the door. I went next door and got my neighbour to come remove it. He carried it across the street and threw it…

It's not so bad working, I get paid time and a half and everyone feels sorry for me.

Exactly, my sister's FB page is full of these "quotes" complete with likes and shares. I point out the blatantly false ones and she gets pissed because she likes them even if they don't make sense half the time. I am really sick and tired of the ones exhorting me to be a strong woman and smile through my tears.

Our Labour Day is the first Monday in September, one of the few times that US and Canadian holidays are in sync. The spelling is a relic of our English heritage, labour, colour, honour etc.

This is the first long weekend that I have a half Saturday and all day Sunday off. I have to work Monday but I know the feeling. It seems like a waste of a long weekend but right now all I want to do is vegetate. Everyone I know has plans for a good time and I feel left out even though I don't want to do anything. …

My office looks like that, now in my shame I am going to clean it tonight. Nah, I'll just search for more cat videos instead.

I don't understand why some people have no sense of communal enjoyment, that everyone is there to have a good time, not just them. It's like they are oblivious to the many other people who want to enjoy the experience and not have to listen to their mindless braying.

You don't have to get your weight down before you start dating again, but make it clear that you are pursuing a healthy lifestyle. Make your dates active and healthy. If he can't see that you are a positive work in progress, then screw him, not literally of course.

Isn't it about time for him to dump the current wife for a younger one? Done in the most distasteful and publicity seeking way possible of course.