Upvoted for glorious username/comment dissonance.

"But how can you be alive? Even Moffat couldn't have deus ex machina'd a way out of that!"
"Spoilers, sweetie!"

Yup, I've been down the ol' "fall for someone who fell for you riiiiiight before a selection process meant that they ended up having to go to a different university 400 miles away" path relatively recently.

He didn't lie, he just wrote fiction with his mouth!

I refuse to believe for a second that this show's actual title is not "Bitten, eh?".

Having read that, I now feel amused but also slightly defiled.

Well, the degree of thought you put into that was pretty horrifying.

The A.V. Club
Hell, show me a picture of a pizza I won't want to fuck!

I won't be here tomorrow either, so here's wishing you a happy Treason Day in advance, folks!

Failing to wear the boot is a bootable offence!

How is it possible to think you're better than anyone else when your demonym is fucking "Chicagoan"?

Petition to refer to the Fun Police from now on as the Gespaßpo.

You've just given a description of a .gif that took me longer to read than the .gif would take to watch. Congratulations!

Getting the obligatory Trump mention out of the way - if she ever drops out, I can think of another demanding venture capitalist billionaire who loves beautiful women (but not, obviously, social trends or high-end fashion).

I never thought I'd see the day where Lex Luthor looked like a member of a well-meaning but totally self-absorbed indie band from south-west London on their difficult second album.

That may be the case, but in mitigation he has to get up every morning and deal with the fact that he's Robin Thicke instead of, you know, a decent human being.

[Dr. Evil air-quotes]

I wouldn't have minded if they'd gone out with a bang.

The bubble-wrap's being confiscated and taken to FEMA death camps in Idaho as we speak.

Way to burst my bubble, Sealed Air Corp.