“The man had toilet paper on his shoe. The officer had no choice but to interpret this aggressive behavior as wanting to eat shit.”

“Why did they fire him?”

Please do update us when the local police union speaks up on the matter.

The officer’s lawyer has released a statement saying his client “doesn’t know shit.”

Was the shit spread out on the bread, or was it an unbroken log? If it’s an unbroken log, then why even go with the 2 pieces of bread instead of a bun? Madness. You wouldn’t eat a hot dog that way.

To be fair you and I may put up 12 on the Pacers.

Bulls fans tried to tell the Knicks! We wanted to warn you! You didn’t listen!

[frantically searches list for Kristaps Porzingis]

Dear Intentionally Obtuse Person:

The key takeaway is that this is a family of chronic drunks, the father of which has no problem beating his college-aged son for wearing a jersey to a baseball game instead of a suit.

That’s the temperament of a would-be dictator, not a President of the United States.

Fuck Donald Trump…

“Leave me out of this.”

+1 (See, by business, he means fucking his own daughter. Incest, they call it.)

“Donald wasn’t really interested in the children until he could talk business with them”

There are so many types of Cubs fans, and so many reasons to hate all of us. It’s really a dizzying intersection of infuriating personality traits, exaggerated eccentricities, scenery-chewing loyalty and sports fandom’s greatest Job Complex.

Hate me all you want. I hate you too. The team I cheer for just won the World Series. That’s all.

And jam your prison systems up? The people who pull these capers have no remorse. There is no margarine for error.

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Angers leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering leads to insufferability. Insufferablity leads to Boston.

You’re not a fan of the Old Duarte Bastard?

Manny Pacquiao would like to execute anyone possessing a poppy seed bagel.

Come on we’re not so bad. Pretty classy bunch if you ask me.