Christians who leave fake money with Bible verses or cards about Jesus as "tips" are, specifically, Christian assholes.

I had that shit pulled on me when I was working retail on Newbury Street in Boston, which meant there were entitled, rich suburban moms with their equally entitled kids buying stupid t-shirts that would fall apart after the first wash for $25 a pop. I was in grad school, as many, many people working retail in Boston…

this is it. this is the one. here we go.

He turns to his bright-eyed eight year old, sitting but two feet from me, and says, "You see son? This is why you should stay in school."(FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU)

You can stop now, Midwestern Christians are not an oppressed group.

You should have pounded a couple of Buds and crushed the cans against your forehead just to max out the 'Murica vibe.

"They are living, breathing capital letters, walking around with Comic Sans souls and a visible weave."

Back before my face and body submitted to gravity, I spent two years shaking my ass at a relatively 'classy' chain in the south. We had to wear gowns on the floor while cruisin' for customers, and if some of the more *assertive* ladies happened to catch anyone giving extras in the VIP, they would get the shit kicked…

TWIST

I'll pass these along. Am VERY partial to "suggestive motionologist"

Wait, how did they get your dick pics?

Or you could just be dating Shaq.

As someone learning German, these are some of my favourites so far

SITZPINKLER. Germans have the best swears. My friend told me about a German word (I am not even going to attempt to remember or spell it because I will just embarrass myself.) It means "stand-blower" aka "You're so short, you could give someone a blow job while standing up."

Whatever, he fucked me pretty good too.

Just run it on one engine. No worries, I'm sure it has power to spare.

The "jobless" aspect of the headline seems to just be an IRS classification.

Also, "Additional charges of Possession of Stolen Property and misdemeanor charges of Operating an Illegal Wrecking Yard and Unlawful Sales of Motor Vehicles without a Dealer License are pending further investigation."

Why don't they just write "Aggravated Methheading" and be done with it.

Anybody else wondering how he had a ticket for the game?

I'm pretty sure those were absurdist jokes. Have you seen the show? The whole show is filled with ridiculous things nobody would ever really say, and that's what makes them funny.