Things my three cats have pulled this year:

I feel you, Julianne. This little shit won’t let me pack up my shit so I can move. He’s lucky he’s so cute.

My cats have been chatting with each other a lot today. One makes a noise and the other jumps off my lap and runs over to them and then they make noises back and forth. I am pretty sure I’ll be dead by nightfall.

Never say never.

I too turn into a whiny eating machine between November and February. I never shit in a box though.

Our wedding is this weekend and the theme is #fuckpintrest.

I really really really fucking really really really want to go to this wedding. There should probably be a “tiny house” involved too, don’t you think?

We are planning a Hygge themed wedding. The bridesmaids’ dresses will be warm Scandinavian knit sweaters, the groom has been growing a long bushy beard and on the wedding day he’ll be hiding cinnamon sticks and star anise in it and the bride will be driven into the wedding venue in a 1974 beige Volvo station wagon.…

I want to see a wetlands-inspired wedding now.

I read way too many of these (up until “foxhead garlands”) before realizing this was satire.

I’ve grown up with several women who weren’t married and they weren’t looked down on. In some cases they were admired because they had freedom other women didn’t. It’s not bad to be alone.

Samsies. I took myself off the market when I realized I didn’t want to marry or have any LTR romantic relationship. Dating was simply more trouble than it was worth. Friends, family, pets, and my own self is perfectly satisfactory.

Over 60 years old here… relationships have come and gone, but at least I can say I’ve escaped the legal and financial consequences of marriage.

I’ve never identified with a Jezebel post so much. I’ve been single for 15 years (I’m 30), not for lack of trying. I’ve given up trying to talk to my friends and family about how much it sucks and how much I’d love to have a partner because the reply is invariably “try harder. Lose weight. Join a club. Lower your…

The best statement ever about t.A.T.u. is from Morrissey:

<yakov smirnoff voice> IN RUSSIA, YOUNG ADULT FICTION IS FACT!!

Not going to lie, it’s a little intimidating when you are sat right next to it. And it’s going to take three rounds of decorating because I’m tired.

Oooo. I started decorating my huge tree with kids. It’s nine feet tall. We were so Griswold at the tree farm. Soooo jazzed about Christmas. Only two weeks until my bro and sis and their families show up! And my husband gets home tonight. Date night tomorrow. My doggies are all snuggled with me. This is the life. And…